Before I get started, not sure if any of you saw this, but this dude basically got a custom coffin made for himself which looks like a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon. How hard core is that.
On to less important things:
Well, I've often wondered why most people in this country are overweight/out of shape/at risk for serious heart disease/fat as shit. Well, the answer is Dunkin' Donuts.
Last Saturday, in conjunction with a local charity, I stood in front of one of Pendletonville's 2 DDs collecting money for mentally handicapped kids.
Over the course of 4 hours, I collected tons of cash, and that's because the joint was extremely busy. As a matter of fact, between 10:40 a.m. and 11:40 a.m. I counted (I was bored) 105 people going in and coming out with some sort of product. 105 people in 1 hour. And it wasn't just coffee, it was donuts, muffins, drinks with about of pound of whip cream on it. Pretty much anything with oodles and oodles of sugar were being purchased.
One dude, who I must say is double my weight - and that's a lot - came out with 3 of those "Boxes of Joe" and 8 - that's right I said 8 - dozen donuts.
The highlight/lowlight was a woman who came out with two little kids (I would say about ages 8 and 5 and each on their way to about 120 pounds) and while she banged down a huge coffee, each kid scarfed down about 6-7 Munchins each. I nearly said something, but I kept my mouth shut, took the cash.
The highlight of the morning, however, was seeing the meal put together by some dude who obviously had consumed several tastes the night before. I mean , I've done the morning snickers bar with a Dr. Pepper to cure the hangover, but this took the cake.
While I stood outside the DD, this cat, looking like shit, wandered over and sat on a wooden flower bed in the parking lot and proceeded to pull out of a bag a sleeve of Saltines and the canned cheeze. Not cheez whiz, the other stuff in which you tilt the nozzle like a can of whip cream. Well, he pretty much bangs down the whole sleeve of crackers and cheese in no time. Next up, a Giant Hershey bar, which was gone in seconds. Then, of course, it was time for a large coffee and a smoke. Suddenly, the huge bowl of Cap'N Crunch I had that morning was looking healthy.
I told myself I should either become a cardiologist and open my own DD.
On other notes:
- The Ranger season came to a painful end (what else is new) today, so now I can focus 100% on the Mets, which, I'm sure will be another lesson in frustration, heartbreak and anger.
-- Hey Joker, I enjoyed your stadium photos. Nice job. Nice trip. I nearly got mugged outside Tiger Stadium back in the day by some hut-less character outside the local White Castle. Good times, good times. I was surprised, however, to see that a certain scribe still has the guts to show his face on a certain Big 10 campus.
I have plenty of other schtick to do - including a trip to the Jersey shore with the Pendleton kids last week - but can't concentrate right now because this Stars-Sharks game is still going. Right now, they just finished the third OT. Anyone who says hockey is boring, by the way, is an arse hole.
I promise I'll be back at the end of the week with more hijinks.
3 comments:
I thought I would see armed guards accompanying that scribe. He didn't seem fazed by comments that would have made me move to a different continent.
Cat,
I have never used the snickers-and-Dr. Pepper act to cure a hangover. I usually go with the oatmeal-and-gatorade package.
However, I have always used the Doctor-and-Snickers combo to combat slumber on late-night road trips when I was behind the wheel.
One such trip, I was weary. And outside of Harrisburg, Pa. I would have sworn on the Bible that I saw a man riding a horse and carrying a lance gallop down the west-bound side of the Pennsyvania Turnpike.
That clinched it.
At the next exit, I stopped and fueled up with a Pepper-and-Snickers combo. I then polished off a safe drive to northern New Jersey.
Dr. Pepper will cure anything.
And that Dunkin Donuts on the corner next to the Dominos Pizza in Pendletonville, down the street from the municipal building, sucks. It's tiny, nobody speaks fucking English, and they never have chocolate cream donuts.
Plus, one more than one occasion, a couple of the dillholes behind the counter were wearing Yankees caps and that's enough to make anyone lose their appetite.
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