RANT MUSIC

Ok, it's been a while. The beer count is around 75. Something about the warm weather makes we want to bang down tastes. Anyway, t0 get a better idea of what goes on between my ears, here are a few random thoughts from the mind of Joe Pendleton.

1. I used to think the easiest job in America was hosting America's Funniest Videos. Seriously, all you have to do is do schtick at about 10 seconds at a time in between clips of dudes getting hit in the balls. Now, my kids watch this show on syndication - it's constantly on WGN - and they love the current dude Tom Bergeron. Again, I used to think it was a cake job, but recently WGN has been showing the season with Daisy Fuentes and John Fugelsang and let me tell you, those two fucking suck huge ass. Daisy Fuentes - who, back in the day, was grossly overrated looks wise, but was a pioneer in the Latin whore phenomenon, could be the worst "talent" ever on TV. If you get a chance watch the show, it's on WGN at 7 p.m. every night just to see how God awful she is. It's painful.

See, I told you a trip into my lid may not be pretty.

2. I went to a Little League game the other day to catch the neighbor's kid in action, and I have to say I came away disgusted and vocally wondering what's happened to this country. First of all, there is no smoking allowed anywhere on the complex. I mean, tobacco and baseball go together like football and beer. What the fuck? Since, I don't smoke, I really don't care, but then the game starts, the first kid comes to bat and there's complete silence. No 'Hey, batter, batter, swiiiiiiiiing batter chants." No 'WE want a pithcer, not a belly itcher" chant from the batting team's dugout. I mean, is this world so fucking politically correct that the other team can't try to induce the other kid to swing at shitty pitches - which, by the way, is all they see? These kids are gonna watch Ferris Bueller a few years from now and not know what the hell he's saying during that scene in Wrigley. And then they have a rule that a team can only score 3 runs in an inning. ONce they get to 3 runs, the inning is over. The KC Royals should implement that rule. Of course, no tastes anywhere. Somewhere, Morris Buttermaker is spinning in his grave.

3. Since I mentioned smoking, two things. This commercial they run duing the Mets games about a dude with cancer telling people to quit smoking is the most powerful ad I've ever scene. If I did smoke, I'd stop or go broke. And finally, a big shout out to Dick Cody for getting the NJ smoking ban passed, a ban that goes into effect on April 14. For all of you who smoke out there, I'm know it's an inconvenience to go outside and smoke, but it's a bigger inconvenience for non-smokers to smell like shit for three days after going to a bar. With clear skies in local bowling alleys, I can see scores going up all over the state.

4. He's only been a Yankee for about a week, Johnny Damon has moved ahead of Derek Jeter and A-Rod on my most-hated list. For a man who a year ago said he would never play with the Yanks, you get the impression now that he goes home every night and tosses off on his pinstripes. He almost makes A-Rod seem sincere. Since we are talking baseball right now, a quesiton for you Yankee fans: If Omar calls Brian Cashman tomorrow and offers D. Wright for A-rod, striaght up, do you do it? From a Met standpoint, I say no fucking way.

For all of you people out there trying to figure out a way to entertain young children, Ice Age 2 the Meltdown was quite entertaining. Of course, I saw it at the theatre in Dunellen, NJ in which they bring pizza and beer to your seats, so that didn't hurt either.

Happy Easter and Happy (is that the right word?) Passover to everyone out there.