Monday, July 30, 2007

BAR NONE

Ok, here it is, my top 10 favorite bars of all time. Some are gone, some I haven't been to in years, but all were important in my development as a lush, drunk, weekend alcoholic - whatever you pick. Some also played a huge part in my life. So without further ado, here wer go:

10. Sharky's - Venice, Florida
A great outdoor bar on the water gives you a perfect spot to watch the sunset, but its best feature is the frozen drinks. You see, they have a sign up that says you will be cut off after just two frozen drinks because they are so strong. And let me tell you, they are. How much do I love this place? While honeymooning with Mrs. Pendleton, we drove about 2 hours from Clearwater Beach, Fla. to this place just to get there again. Someone told me a few months ago it was closed down, but website says otherwise. If you are ever in the area, go there. Mrs. Pendleton says they have the best ribs ever.

9. Goal Post, Scotch Plains, New Jersey
This is perhaps the most important bar in my life as it's where I met Mrs. Pendleton. It was also one of the first sports bars ever. Before meeting Mrs. P there, I would enjoy the Tuesday night bikini contents. My other famous story from that place is a night my friend The Knocker and I went there. That afternoon we had gotten wrist bands for the Rolling Stones show at Shea Stadium in 1989, with tickets going on sale the next day. Well that night, we went to the GP, with the Knocker driving and me drinking. Well, as we are getting ready to leave, the Knocker meets some dame who is not only totally into him, she also needs a ride home. So within seconds, I went from being the drunk to the driver. So while I'm navigating my way back to Metuchen New Jersey, he's in the backseat of his car, letting his fingers do the walking on the broad. I mean, from my view through the rearview mirror, his entire hand was up her skirt and maybe even further. So not only am I worrying about getting pulled over, I'm also worried about him losing the wristband up there. Well, we made it home OK and got tickets to the show.

8. Leggetts, Manasquan, New Jersey:
Had this list been compiled in 1989, this may have been No. 1 for a few reasons. First, there's nothing like strolling off the beach and walking into a nice air-conditioned joint for a cold taste. Also, for some reason back then, it didn't really attract the usual a-holes you find down the shore, but did attract beautiful babies.
But the No. 1 reason it's on the list is because this joint helped me make the most important decision of my life. In the summer of 1989, my brother and his buddies had a beach house for 4th of July week in Manasquan. Well, I was invited, along with the dame I was seriously dating in college for about three years. How serious? For her college graduation, I gave her a claddagh ring, which was interpreted as a pre-engagment ring. Well, anyway, as the trip to Manasquan neared - a trip I wouldn't be able to pull off without bringing her along - it really hit me that I would have much more fun at Leggetts and Manasquan without her. And it hit me, that I shouldn't be feeling that way about someone who I may be spending the rest of my life with. So, on about July 1, 1989, I pulled the plug on the relationship, and along with Knocker, headed to Manasquan for 2 days of non-stop drinking and dame chasing. Thanks Leggetts for making me see the light.

7. Knight Club, New Brunswick, NJ: Long before Greg Schiano turned RU into a football school, this dive was the best thing the Hub City had to offer. In the summer of 1989 it was my home office on Tuesday nights. The reason? $2 pitchers. My and the aformentioned Knocker would head there, drink a bunch, talk to dames also enjoying the $2 pitchers, do some dancing and after sobering up at Campus Pizza, drive back to our respective Middlesex County towns. I knew it was time to stop going there when one night I met some dame, got her phone number and was getting set to call her. However, since i couldn't really remember what she looked like, I called the Knocker first to see if I should and he politely told me to lose the phone number as fast as I could.


6. Dalina's, Fords, NJ: This was the hangout for me and my cronies at my first real newspaper gig. A perfect mix of dive bar and great bar. It wasn't a place to pick up dames, rather it was just a good drinking bar. It's also the place where I watched Stephane Mattieu score the biggest goal in NY Rangers history (sorry, LS) and it's was holding karyoke nights before there was karyoke. It's now turned into a family diner, but everytime I drive by it, I get a little sentimental. And, it was in this bar that Jim McGreevey gave me a free weiner. (he was the mayor of Woodbridge at the time and he was handing out free hot dogs during a Tommy Morrison fight.)
5. South River Pub, South River, New Jersey. In my young, impressionable years, this was, by far, my favorite bar. It had it all. Cheap drinks, cheap women, great tunes, and perhaps the best bar gimmick ever - 5 days before and after your birthday, all your drinks were a quarter. That promotion helped earn Mrs. Pendleton earn an engagment ring, as on my 26th birthday, she gave me a roll of quarters for a gift and shuttle service too and from the SR Pub, which resulted in me barfing in her parents' ice bucket that night. It was the place to go the night before Turkey Day. It was the place to go every Thursday night. The only downfall was its narrow walkways, so going to take a squirt could take hours.

4. Dresden Room, West Hollywood, Calif. Long before Swingers made this joint famous, this was one of my all-time favorites. It has that old school Hollywood feel, and of course, the world famous Marty & Elayne (right) as the entertainment (they were the couple singing Staying Alive in Swingers). I've only been there about 2-3 times, but everytime I go it's a blast. It's sort of the place to go before going out.

3. Shandygaff, State College, Pa. - Okay, localschill, as much as I like to bust your chops about Penn State football, this place is the only reason I make my annual pilgrimage to the middle of nowhere. Honestly. On a college football saturday you can watch about 20 games, drink tons of beer while John Cash's 'Ring of Fire" blasts over the speaker system. And then, when the sun goes down, it becomes sort of an 70's and 80's dance club (they bang out Dancin' Queen about 3 times a night). Of course, by then, you are dealing with most of the drunken a-hole PSU students, who start requesting hip-hop crap that the DJ plays, but usually by then, I'm ready to call it a night anyway. Still, if this place closes down, it's no more PSU football for me. Well, actually, I'll just find another joint.

2. The Sawmil, Seaside Park, NJ: How much did I love this bar? It has a day named after it. From 1992-1998, me, the Knocker and Gerry B would designate the Friday of Memorial Day Weekend "Sawmill Day." We would leave Central Jersey around 10 a.m. and make a bee-line for this little dive on the Seaside Heights boardwalk to kick off the summer in style. The reason we picked this place? It was the only bar we could find that served Mickey's Big Mouths. Every year, the bartender would dust off the green grenade bottles and get us going. The tradition ended in 1998, when after an entire day of celebrating the Mike Piazza trade, we had to find a way home. We made it, but pledged that the following year, we would have to find a place to stay. Well, the Professor provided that place, but it was about 35 miles North in Belmar, and a free place to stay won out over awful tasting Malt Liquor in green bottles. To me, this place no longer exists. Oh sure, it's still there. But what was once a little corner bar, has turned into a huge place with an adjoining dining room, and - get this - a kid's menu. Adios Sawmill. We had a blast.

By the way, speaking of Seaside, remeber the first annual FNC road trip is this Thursday, Aug. 2 at the Beachcomber for the Shorty Long & The Jersey Horns Show.

1. Hange Uppe, Chicago, Ill. As much as I love the previously mentioned 9 joints, this one is by far, head and shoulders above all of them. I sometimes wonder if the cats that own this joint tapped into my brain when they were creating it. Oldies music, friendly midwestern dames, endless supply of Old Style beer, and a closing time of about 5:30 a.m. A block off Chicago's overrated Rush & Division streets is the greatest bar in America. My dream scenario: It's 3 a.m., I have an ice-cold Old Style longneck in my hand, Carl Douglas' Kung Fu Fighting is playing and I'm leering at some college dames on the dance floor. I roll out of the joint about 5 bells. Get back to my hotel, get about 4 hours of sleep and head to Wrigley for a day in the bleachers. Or in the case of my last trip there, got in the car for the 3 hour drive to Lambeau for Jets-Pats. Anyway, if you are ever in Chicago hit this place on a Friday or Saturday night and they may have to drag you out of there.

Well there it is. Hope to see you all THursday night.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Stephon

Not sure if all of you out here have seen this already, if not, watch the whole thing and enjoy, Pretty damn funny. Tell me this dude's not on something

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

LET'S GO NORFOLK STATE

I promise this post is not designed to get Localschill and the Joker and all other Rutgers football schills out there wound up. I promise.

About a week ago, I was talking to a relative who lives in Arizona and I made tentative plans to visit her around New Year's Eve. The main reason for the trip would to see my beloved St. Louis Rams play at the Cardinals on Dec. 30, which happens to be my 42nd birthday. Also, the Coyotes are hosting the Lanche that the night before, and of course, New Year's Eve in 85 degree weather would also be nice.

And I also plan on staying out there for the Jan. 3 Fiesta Bowl.

So I started thinking about the possibility of my beloved Fighting Irish making that game, but after looking at their schedule, I realize there's little shot of them getting a BCS bid this year. You judge for yourself.

NOTRE DAME SCHEDULE
09/01/07 vs. Georgia Tech
09/08/07 at Penn State
09/15/07 at Michigan
09/22/07 vs. Michigan State
09/29/07 at Purdue
10/06/07 at UCLA
10/13/07 vs. Boston College
10/20/07 vs. USC
11/03/07 vs. Navy
11/10/07 vs. Air Force
11/17/07 vs. Duke
11/24/07 at Stanford

Pretty brutal. They play the first 8 weeks in a row, two games against legit National Champion teams (Michigan, USC). Back-to-back road games at Penn State and Michigan. 4 straight games against Big 10 schools (3 on the road). Two games against better ACC teams, and they close out the stretch with USC (perhaps the best team in the country) at home. Sure, after that, they get Navy, Air Force and Duke at home, but by they, they are sure to have at least two losses, pretty much taking them out of BCS contention.

Then I started wondering what the mighty Scarlet Knights schedule looked like, and I couldn't believe what I found:

Thursday, August 30 vs. BUFFALO
Friday, September 7 vs. NAVY
Saturday, September 15 vs. NORFOLK STATE Homecoming
Saturday, September 29 vs. MARYLAND
Saturday, October 6 vs. CINCINNATI
Saturday, October 13 at Syracuse
Thursday, October 18 vs. SOUTH FLORIDA
Saturday, October 27 vs. WEST VIRGINIA
Saturday, November 3 at Connecticut
Friday, November 9 at Army
Saturday, November 17 vs. PITTSBURGH
Thursday, November 29 at Louisville

Let's review:
-- Their first five games, and seven of their first 8, are at home.

-- They play 8 home games out of 12 total games.

-- They have a week off to recover from their big homecoming game with Div. I-AA Norfolk State.

-- Until they play at Louisville the last week of the season, the farthest trip they make is to Syracuse, with the other two road games at Army and UConn.

-- They won't play a ranked team until Oct. 27

-- They get 11 days off before their toughest game of the year in Louisville.

I know the schedule is made years ahead of time, but let's be honest, this is a joke. 75% of their games at home. Buffalo, Norfolk State.

All I'm saying is there is no excuse for this team not to get a BCS bowl this year. None. If they somehow finish less than second in the Big East this year, they should be ripped. But of course, they will be celebrated as another feel-good story. But honestly, even the Joker and Localschill must agree, nothing but a BCS berth is acceptable this year.

All they have to do is go 2-1 against Pitt, Louisville and Wva to do it and not lose to any of these other patsies on the schedule.

While I'll expect them to be 7-0 heading into the WVA. game, it will be funny to see how quickly the bandwagon empties if they lose 1 or 2 of those first seven games.

Also, if the season falls apart, what will happen first:
A. Plans to expand stadium to 53,000 seats will be shelved.
B. Greg Schiano will be in the middle of Pennsylvania wearing blue and white
C. Reps for the Charlotte Bowl will cancel their trip to Piscataway
D. All of the above.

List of bars coming soon.
By the way, don't forget the first annual FNC Fanclub trip is less than a month away. It's Aug. 2 at the Beachcomber in Seaside Heights to see Shorty Long and the Jersey Horns.

Beer count already in triple digits.

Monday, July 16, 2007

TIP OIF THE ICEBERG

The top 10 favorite bar list is taking more time than I thought. It's an intense selection process, so it may be a few more days before it's posted.

In the meantime, a few thoughts from FNC.

I went to an ice cream place the other day and on the counter was a tip jar that said something to the effect of "college tuition fund." Naturally, being the sucker I am, I dropped all of my spare change in there and left.

Of course, the more I thought about it, the more I got wound up.

First of all, if you a really trying to save up and go to college, get something better than working in an ice cream place. I mean mow lawns in the heat for the summer or work road construction.

Second, if you need my spare change to pay for college, you got some huge problems.

Anyway, it really got me thinking about this whole tipping thing. Remember when I got screwed by the fridge repairman? Well, since then and this ice cream thing, I've taken a whole new approach _ NO TIPPING EXCEPT FOR WAITERS, WAITRESSES AND BARTENDERS and DELIVERY PEOPLE.

First, I'll explain why I'll tip those four: As for waiters and waitresses, I used to work at a Bennigans, and I know that's about 90% of their income. Plus, they are making sure you get your order right and your food on time. As for bartenders, I'm generally against tipping them, especially when all I get usually is a bottle of beer, but let's be honest, if you don't tip a bartender - especially at a busy bar - you could get shutout and that sucks. As for delivery dudes, thanks to them I get to sit on my ass, so what's a nickel or two?

Now, here's my take on other places:

Why is there a tip jar at Starbucks & Dunkin Donuts, but not one at McDonald's? Honestly, what the difference between going to Starbucks and getting a coffee or going to McDonald's and getting a soda from the drive-thru? It's the same thing.

As for food places. One night, Mrs. Pendleton and I got take out from Carraba's or something like that and when she got back from picking up the food, I asked her is she tipped the guy who handled the order. Her response, "Do you tip the person when you pick up Chinese food?" I didn't have to answer the question.

As for other service workers, a question, Have you ever considered tipping the dude who pumps your gas? Of course not, so why should you tip anyone else? Do you tip the dude at the supermarket deli who cuts the cheese for you (sorry, I couldn;'t resist)? Of course not.

That's all for now. I have to go tip the deliver dude.

One final thing, and you heard it here first on July 16 - THE METS WILL NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am.

Bar list coming soon.

Beer count off the charts,

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

18 AND LIFE


With the Simpson's movie coming out at the end of the month, many 7-11s across the country have changed into Quik-E-Marts for July. I think it's funny, clever promotion, but as a huge fan of 7-11, I hope it only lasts for the month.

My love affair with 7-11 began in high school, picked up steam in college, and became practically a marriage in the 90s. How serious was it? Let's just say from about 1991 to 2002 I averaged about 2-3 Super Big Gulps A DAY. Yes, I was addicted to soda, mostly diet soda. I never drank coffee, had an occassional tea, but my fuel of choice was diet pepsi and tons of it. Someone even nicknamed me "18" (7 + 11), due to the face I always, ALWAYS, had a SBG cup in my hand.

Well, that love affair ended a few years ago when I did some research on the sweetener in diet soda, something called aspartamane. Most of the stories I read mentioned brain tumors as a result of too much aspartamane. NOt sure if it's true, but when I quit diet pepsi one day cold turkey, I had an intense migraine for about 14 hours. I couldn't even get out of bed, it hurt so bad.

Lately, I've had a few big gulps - maybe about 1-2 a week - and when the Simpsons promotion started this week, I got to thinking about my 10 favorite 7-11s on the planet. So here they are, in order.
10. SOMEWHERE IN NEBRASKA: Not sure if this one even exists, but it's the 7-11 Jim Carrey comes out of in "Dumb and Dumber." As he's walking out of the store, he says to a group of kids, "Alright guys, Big Gulps." Great line. And since I was a huge Big Gulp fan at the time, I also said someday I would get to that 7-11. Someday I will.
9. STORE #11452. EDISON, NJ: This one was crucial as it was right across the street from my softball team's home field back in the early 90s. It was a Sunday morning league in the summer and nothing beats a hangover than 96 oz. of diet pepsi.

8. STORE #32414: EDISON, NJ: This could be No. 1 on Localschill's list as it is right by his hut. It's very close to the Menlo Park Mall, but more importantly, it's right across the street from my favorite White Castle. Nothing like a sack of rats and a double gulp to get the blood and smelly gas flowing.

7. No. 23655: SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ: One hint for all you youngsters out there, unless you want your stomach to catch fire, don't chug Dr. Pepper into a stomach filled completely with beer and nothing else.

6. STORE NO: 11446: SOMERVILLE, NJ: This Somerset County headquarters of the Southland Corporation is one of about 4 reasons I survived three years at Gannet's Bridgewater franchise. When I needed a shot of energy on my way to work, I stopped there. When I needed to escape the madness, I went there. When certain miserable fucks were driving me nuts, I could send him, I mean them, there to get them out of my hair for a few minutes.

5. NO. 25398: BELMAR, NJ: Nothing like getting a big gulp while some chick in a bikini is right next to you banging down a slurpee. No morning after in Belmar was complete without a stop here. If I recall, their Big Gulp selection was also top notch.

4. STORE NO. 10977: EWING, NJ: The love affair really took flight in this little beauty within walking/stumbling disance of Trenton State College. The usual Thursday night treat would consist of a Super Big Gulp and a pack of Hostess Suzy Qs. Add to that mixture about 15 cans of Meister Brau and you got yourself a party.
3. STORE NO. 27877: ROSELLE, NJ: This is the store that spawned the 18 nickname. While coaching a high school hoops squad nearby, I would stop here everyday before and after practice. I got so bad that the dudes who worked there actually knew me by name.

2. STORE NO. 24608: SOUTH PLAINFIELD, NJ: Ah, the home base. I can't remember how many times in high school I would go here for a big gulp and a chipwich (as you can tell, I didn't get laid much then). I would say of all the big gulps I've had in life, about 70% have come from this store. I was just there today. It's not the best store of the bunch, not even close, but it's mine.

AND AT NO. 1
NO. 21087: CHICAGO, ILL.: The adress is 3554 N. SHEFFIELD AVE, the location is about 1 block from Wrigley Field. I've only been to this one about 3-4 times, but I still dream about it. How's this for a dream scenario. Roll into this one around noon, fill up a double gulp cup with soda, grab a 99 cent doggie and some chips, and roll across the street into the bleachers at Wrigley. That was about 16 years ago. I'm sure the a-holes that run the Cubs no longer let you bring Big Gulps into the park, but for that one glorious day, they did, and that's all that matters.

And there it is. Coming next week, my 10 favorite bars on the planet.

A few other things:

I took the kids to Wendys yesterday and the toy in the happy meal was a kid's audio book. What a shitty prize. Anyway, my kids wanted to listen and the story was about this dude named Arthur who has a show on PBS. Well, after this lame story ended, some other guy comes on to read the credits, and guess who the reader of the book was: None other than Mark Linn Baker (aka Cousin Larry from Perfect Strangers). Nice to see his career is still doing well.






Finally, congrats to Greg Schiano. As the picture below will prove, It appears I'm now the only person on the planet who isn't fooled by his soft schedule and bogus bowl win.