Thursday, June 15, 2006
HAIR AND NOW
With my hair starting to get out of control, I popped out of bed early today and headed for the local barber shop. When I say early, I mean 9:30, which is early for me.
Anyway, while sitting in the barber shop half asleep, my mind starting to wander as some short Italian dude got dangerously close to my ears with a pair of scissors.
Anyway, here's a peek into the brain of a tired man.
-- Billy Joel sucks. As I was getting the haircut, the radio played a live version of "My Life." I know everyone loves him, but let's face it, he sucks. Every one of his songs either A: Is pop bullshit; B: Is a cheesy love song, C: Is a tired singalong song. A few examples of each.
A: My Life - very gay, very shitty. We Didn't Start the Fire: Huge piece of shit. Uptown Girl: PURE STENCH.
B: Just the Way You Are: Sure, Christie Brinkley doesn';t need to change, but if you dame is fat and smelly, she could certainly go changing. New York State of Mind: YAWWWWWWWWWN.
C: And this is where I get really wound up. On a much earlier post, I stated there's nothing I hate more than drunk chicks in a bar singing real loud. Well, Piano Man might be the biggest catalyst to this kind of behavior. Only The Good Die Young also promotes this crap. Therefore, I hate both and the man who penned these songs.
Plus, if you look at Mr. Joel's work. He never sets a trend, he just goes with whatever is hot at the time and cashes in. Anyway, the dude sucks.
--- OK, this one will get me ripped, but here goes. Jessica Simpson is not hot. She's not. Sure, great tits, great arse, nice looking mug, but to me, her whole persona ruins it. She's a friggin nitwit - and believe me, while there's nothing wrong with dumb hot chicks - there's something about her nitwittiness that turns me off. Now if the dame arrived on my doorstep looking for some action and Mrs. Pendleton gave me the green light, I'd have to take care of her. But when she's on TV or on the internet or in the series of WHORE mags like STUFF and FHM, I'm not reaching for tissues and flashlight. I'll take Alba any day of the week. She's no Swank, either.
-- Being a barber has to be a shitty job. At least if you're a hair stylist - and not gay - you get the occassional hot dame. But a barber just has to deal with either smelly dudes or insane kids all day. At this moment, it's a smelly dude he's dealing with. I can certainly think of worse jobs, but cutting hair all day has to suck, especially in these PC times where you can't smoke, drink or curse in these barber shops.
-- I really hate that Ann Coulter dame. Ironically, I get what she is saying about the 911 wdows, which is, why should they have such a powerful voice because their hubbies died on 911. But this cunt - my favorite new word - has to rip these broads. Anyway, it's obvious this whore is stirring up just to stir it up and sell some books. The effect she's had on me is I feel no matter who runs on the Democratic ticket in 2008, that person - even if it's Mrs. Slick Willy - has to win. The ultra-conservatism of this country is driving me nuts. It won't be long before the FCC is charging me $350,000 for typing in cunt.
Well, that's it for now. Next haircut in about 8 weeks.
PS. Is anyone else having problems putting pictures on this thing? If you have any tips let me know.
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6 comments:
I can't do it. If I start typing a more detailed reponse to this blog I will be here all night.
I will simply say this: Billy Joel does not suck. Some of his songs suck, yes, but he does not suck.
I agree with you on Jessica Simpson
If you look up suck in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of The Phillies.
But that's only because they have no pictures of Billy Joel.
Back in college, I listened to a ton of Billy Joel.
I don't particularly recall the exact moment, but almost overnight, I stopped listening.
There's too much cheese, and the synthesizers sound very dated. These's aren't the reasons -- I can't really place them -- I stopped listening, but they are facts.
Billy does not suck. I don't think he's fantastic either.
But it is amusing that you are ripping drunk broads for singing loudly in a bar, considering there have been many times where you have been ripped out of your gourd and belted out tunes at a gin mill.
I thought Jessica Simpson was hot until she did those ridiculous Pizza Hut commericals, in which she reveled in her stupidity. Now, she just needs to go back to whatever white-trash town she whorred her way out of.
As for Ann Coulter, no one is more deserving of the 'cunt' title than she is.
Pete: Me singing drunk in a bar is funny and amusing and I sing good tunes like "Buttercup."
The problem is these broads sing tunes like "Piano Man."
You know the more I think about it, that song is the reason I hate Billy Joel and proclaim his suckiness. That and "We Didn't Start the Fire."
To me, his music sucks, and therefore, he sucks.
It has no depth, it's total pop bullshit and his love songs are sappy pieces of shit.
What pisses me off, is somehow people view him as a rock singer. He is not. I've heard people argue that he's better than Bruce, which is grounds for an arse-kicking.
I swear most dopes that listen to Billy Joel do it because they think it's the popular thing to do.
I'll take Sandman's cheezy hair band music over Joel any day of the week.
By the way, I think what really pisses me off about the dude is that he - like most Italians on the planet - proclaim to be Yankee fans, but that dude, looking for a little pub in 1986, sang the anthem before Game 2 of the World Series at Shea.
Anyway, Sandman, please respond, I'm dying to hear any defense of William Joel.
-- sigh --
Y'know, Joe, I find myself spending half my time these days arguing with you about who sucks and who doesn't.
The weird thing about the whole thing is, for the most part, I tend to agree with your take on most things, and even your overall taste in music.
But every now and again you say something about an artist that really sticks in my craw.
Billy Joel does not suck.
Rod Stewart sucks. Today's pop music sucks -- except for Kelly Clarkson, her I like -- sucks. Most of these dime-a-dozen "rock" bands today, suck.
But how do you strap a guy like Billy Joel with the "suck" label?
Granted, most of his love songs are cheesy pieces of shit, lyrically and musically. The same can be said of some of his more upbeat turds, like "Uptown Girl," "I go To Extremes" and the unlistenable "River of Dreams." But for every piece of kaka he has recorded, there are also plenty of songs that are awesome, and a few I would even call "masterpieces."
"Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" is an epic masterpiece. Both musically and lyrically. It make me think of how my parents grew up -- ironically, my father's name is Eddie.
"Miami 2017," "Goodnight Saigon," and "Angry Young Man" are also, all, masterpieces. And "Only the Good Die Young" is a great song, I don't care what you say. And while I wouldn't call it a masterpiece, "Piano Man" is a good song, too, as long as the drunk chicks you mentioned aren't singing it in a bar.
What makes Billy Joel not suck are songs like I just mentioned. Where he displays the ability to craft fantastic, insightful lyrics, that, like Springsteen, people can relate to.
But what makes him great is that the man can play the shit out of a piano! I can't think of anyone, off the top of my head, who is his superior.
Go listen to the prelude to "Angry Young Man" or the intro to "Miami 2017" and tell me Billy Joel doesn't kick ass. Go listen to some of the runs in "Scenes from the Italian Restaurant" and tell me he doesn't rule.
Bold, general statements like "he sucks" should be reserved for the likes of NSync and the Human League.
Sandman: Thanks for jogging my memory. Songs From An Italian Restaurant is the all-time suckiest Billy Joel song there is.
As a matter of fact, that songs sums up his suckiness. It's a drawn out bore, possibly worse than Piano Man.
Goodnight Saigon is another one. If you're gonna go over the 5 minute mark of a song, make it worthwhile, huh.
As for Rod Stewart. I agree, he sucks - now. But at least the dude had a period where he kicked ass. Billy Joel has never kicked ass, unless you count driving into someone's house as kicking ass.
And please, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE, don't mention Mr. Joel and Mr. Springsteen in the same sentence ever again. It's like mentioning Mike Piazza and Barry Lyons in the same sentence.
Plus, he's a Yankee fan who tried to jump on the 86 bandwagon. That should be enough for you to hate him.
Anyway, as Ron Burgundy says "Agree to disagree." I know alot of people like him, and that's probably the biggest reason I hate him.
And for the record, the best drunk chick-singing song there is is Poison's Talk Dirty to Me.
Speaking of that, in the next few days, I'll be unveiling my Top 10 Go-go bar songs.
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