Beer count: 90
Dear Boss:
You know I'm one of your biggest fans. I have most of your CDS - even the Ghost of Tom Joad. I plunked down $40 this year for a digitally remastered copy of Born to Run (don't tell anyone, but I sounds exactly the same) and I've seen in you in concert several times, dating back to my first show in June of 1984.
I'm proud to call myself a New Jerseyan mostly because of you (and Rutgers University) and even own High Fidelity on DVD just because of your 45-second cameo in that fine film.
Yes, I've supported you your entire career. That is, until now.
After taking a quick listen on the web to your latest project (We Shall Overcome: The Pete Seeger Sessions), I have one question? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?
First of all, what is this "We" shit. What exactly do you have to overcome? Is is the guilt of charging your fans $100 to see you practice this crap live, or is it just the realization that since Tunnel of Love, you've pretty much been a non-factor when it comes to popular music?
Second of all, if I want to hear some dude singing Cumbaya with a jug band behind him, I'll go to the backwoods of Kentucky and do it, or go see The Country Bear Jamboree at Disneyworld, not buy one of your albums.
Listen, I understand your need to let the rest of the E Street Band know who's Boss every once in a while by freezing them out, but this is enough. You made your point with that Lucky Town/Human Touch crap and reinforced it with Tom Joad. They get the point. They need you, you don't need them. But you know what, your fans need them.
Now I'm not talking about your disciples. You know the ones who will see you in concert every night of their lives and would buy a 25-disc set of you taking a shit.
No, I'm talking about the fans who will go see you once or twice during a tour and purchase most of your albums. It's almost as if you are testing their faith and loyalty with crap like this.
Or is it something else? Is is because you know even your E Street Band stuff isn't up to par with the music from the good old days, so you put out these crap albums, leave your fans starved for good some old rock and roll, and when you finally release it, they love it?
I mean let's face it, one it's own "The Rising" is a cliched bore, but when you put it up with the albums that preceeded it, it's a rock classic.
Now I do appreciate you trying to spread the good works of Pete Seeger to the masses, but just promise me this is it. Promise me next summer, you'll release another E Street Band album and play 8 nights at Giants Stadium. You see, I don't get many excuses to get loaded in a huge parking lot anymore, so please do me this one favor.
I hope you don't take offense to this letter, rather I hope you read it and do the right thing and give me more songs about cars and chicks and living at the beach. It's what your fans want, it's what the E Street Band wants, and deep down, it's what you want. Bruce, maybe We Shall Overcome.
Love,
Joe Pendleton
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
THE PLAYOFF BEARD
Beer count around 80ish.
In honor of two historic occassions: The birth of Suri Cruise and the Rangers making the playoffs, I have decided to grow the playoff beard.
In case you don't know what that means, basically, many hockey players believe it is back luck to shave during the playoffs, so therefore most of them shave the morning of Game 1 and don't pick up a razor again until they are eliminated or win the Stanley Cup. I therefore, will shave Saturday morning and won't do it again until the Rangers are bounced, so there is a chance I'll only have about 6-days growth before I have to shave again.
As for the Cruise angle. It's obvious, Katie Holmes is the biggest beard going, so she works into this too.
As for my Devils-Rangers breakdown - in a total grasping at straws move - I believe the Devils HAVE to cool down a bit and the Rangers have to get hot. We'll see. Maybe Marty Brodeur's sister-in-law will wear him down. Hey, anything's possible.
Anyway, no matter what the Rangers or Devils do, I predict a Carolina-Calgary Stanley Cup Final, with the stinky Whale winning the whole thing.
In honor of two historic occassions: The birth of Suri Cruise and the Rangers making the playoffs, I have decided to grow the playoff beard.
In case you don't know what that means, basically, many hockey players believe it is back luck to shave during the playoffs, so therefore most of them shave the morning of Game 1 and don't pick up a razor again until they are eliminated or win the Stanley Cup. I therefore, will shave Saturday morning and won't do it again until the Rangers are bounced, so there is a chance I'll only have about 6-days growth before I have to shave again.
As for the Cruise angle. It's obvious, Katie Holmes is the biggest beard going, so she works into this too.
As for my Devils-Rangers breakdown - in a total grasping at straws move - I believe the Devils HAVE to cool down a bit and the Rangers have to get hot. We'll see. Maybe Marty Brodeur's sister-in-law will wear him down. Hey, anything's possible.
Anyway, no matter what the Rangers or Devils do, I predict a Carolina-Calgary Stanley Cup Final, with the stinky Whale winning the whole thing.
Monday, April 17, 2006
THE CHRONICLES OF PENDLETON: THE JAGR, THE STRIPPER AND THE JACKET
It finally dawned on me why the New York Rangers haven't won the Stanley Cup since 1994.
No, it has nothing to do with Garden mismanagement, Bryan Trottier and Glen Sather, rather it has everything to with a satin jacket, a once-exhuberant 29-year-old man and an anonymous stripper from Sayreville.
Intrigued? Good.
Here's the story: Way back in December of 1994, Joe Pendleton (the 29-year-old at the time still basking in the Stanley Cup win 6 months earlier) and cronies from a now-defunct NJ newspaper went to Bourbon Street in Sayreville for a little celebration. Pendleton, who was just turning 29 and was full of Ranger pride, wore his Starter blue satin Ranger jacket to the fine establishment.
After a few tastes and a few dollar bills were "dipped" a certain "very vocal" friend of Mr. Pendleton got the idea that the ideal birthday present would be the "entertainer" at the establishment wearing the Ranger jacket on stage. It sounded good to old Joe.
So the friend called the girl over, "whispered" in her ear and before Joe knew it, the jacket was off his back and flying toward the stage. Now, back in the old days at the girls liked to bend the "non-topless rules" a bit. This one, however, decided every dress code rule would be broken this evening.
Seconds after the jacket hit the stage, the dancer was wearing it - and nothing else. Needless to say, even Devil fans in the place celebrated this move. Dollar bills flew like tickertape in the canyon of heroes.
Soon after the jacket was returned and Pendleton headed to his Franklin Twp. apartment. However, as he got closer to home, Mr. Pendleton realized that his jacket had the distict powdery smell every classy dancer in NJ seems to possess. So Pendleton, fearing the wrath of Mrs. Pendleton, secretly put the jacket in the back of his closet and never brought it out again.
A few years later, the Pendletons would move, and the jacket made the move, too, but - amazingly - still featuring a hint of the smell, the jacket was once again relegated to the back of the closet. Coincidentally or not, since the Jacket has been hidden away, the Rangers have gone completely cupless.
Fast forward to today (April 17, 2006). Joe Pendleton, while doing some spring cleaning in his closet, finds the jacket, and, in an attempt to change the struggling Blueshirts' fortunes, moves it to a more prominent spot in the closet. He's ever considering wearing the throwback jacket Friday night, when the Atlantic-Division champion Rangers take on the Flyers or Devils. Needless to say, with the jacket back in circulation, the Cup will once again be delivered to Madison Square Garden.
Now, if he can only get the BO stains that were put on his Met jacket in Nov. of 1986 by some smelly whore in Newark, maybe Shea Stadium will rock again.
LET'S GO RANGERS
No, it has nothing to do with Garden mismanagement, Bryan Trottier and Glen Sather, rather it has everything to with a satin jacket, a once-exhuberant 29-year-old man and an anonymous stripper from Sayreville.
Intrigued? Good.
Here's the story: Way back in December of 1994, Joe Pendleton (the 29-year-old at the time still basking in the Stanley Cup win 6 months earlier) and cronies from a now-defunct NJ newspaper went to Bourbon Street in Sayreville for a little celebration. Pendleton, who was just turning 29 and was full of Ranger pride, wore his Starter blue satin Ranger jacket to the fine establishment.
After a few tastes and a few dollar bills were "dipped" a certain "very vocal" friend of Mr. Pendleton got the idea that the ideal birthday present would be the "entertainer" at the establishment wearing the Ranger jacket on stage. It sounded good to old Joe.
So the friend called the girl over, "whispered" in her ear and before Joe knew it, the jacket was off his back and flying toward the stage. Now, back in the old days at the girls liked to bend the "non-topless rules" a bit. This one, however, decided every dress code rule would be broken this evening.
Seconds after the jacket hit the stage, the dancer was wearing it - and nothing else. Needless to say, even Devil fans in the place celebrated this move. Dollar bills flew like tickertape in the canyon of heroes.
Soon after the jacket was returned and Pendleton headed to his Franklin Twp. apartment. However, as he got closer to home, Mr. Pendleton realized that his jacket had the distict powdery smell every classy dancer in NJ seems to possess. So Pendleton, fearing the wrath of Mrs. Pendleton, secretly put the jacket in the back of his closet and never brought it out again.
A few years later, the Pendletons would move, and the jacket made the move, too, but - amazingly - still featuring a hint of the smell, the jacket was once again relegated to the back of the closet. Coincidentally or not, since the Jacket has been hidden away, the Rangers have gone completely cupless.
Fast forward to today (April 17, 2006). Joe Pendleton, while doing some spring cleaning in his closet, finds the jacket, and, in an attempt to change the struggling Blueshirts' fortunes, moves it to a more prominent spot in the closet. He's ever considering wearing the throwback jacket Friday night, when the Atlantic-Division champion Rangers take on the Flyers or Devils. Needless to say, with the jacket back in circulation, the Cup will once again be delivered to Madison Square Garden.
Now, if he can only get the BO stains that were put on his Met jacket in Nov. of 1986 by some smelly whore in Newark, maybe Shea Stadium will rock again.
LET'S GO RANGERS
Friday, April 14, 2006
RANT MUSIC
Ok, it's been a while. The beer count is around 75. Something about the warm weather makes we want to bang down tastes. Anyway, t0 get a better idea of what goes on between my ears, here are a few random thoughts from the mind of Joe Pendleton.
1. I used to think the easiest job in America was hosting America's Funniest Videos. Seriously, all you have to do is do schtick at about 10 seconds at a time in between clips of dudes getting hit in the balls. Now, my kids watch this show on syndication - it's constantly on WGN - and they love the current dude Tom Bergeron. Again, I used to think it was a cake job, but recently WGN has been showing the season with Daisy Fuentes and John Fugelsang and let me tell you, those two fucking suck huge ass. Daisy Fuentes - who, back in the day, was grossly overrated looks wise, but was a pioneer in the Latin whore phenomenon, could be the worst "talent" ever on TV. If you get a chance watch the show, it's on WGN at 7 p.m. every night just to see how God awful she is. It's painful.
See, I told you a trip into my lid may not be pretty.
2. I went to a Little League game the other day to catch the neighbor's kid in action, and I have to say I came away disgusted and vocally wondering what's happened to this country. First of all, there is no smoking allowed anywhere on the complex. I mean, tobacco and baseball go together like football and beer. What the fuck? Since, I don't smoke, I really don't care, but then the game starts, the first kid comes to bat and there's complete silence. No 'Hey, batter, batter, swiiiiiiiiing batter chants." No 'WE want a pithcer, not a belly itcher" chant from the batting team's dugout. I mean, is this world so fucking politically correct that the other team can't try to induce the other kid to swing at shitty pitches - which, by the way, is all they see? These kids are gonna watch Ferris Bueller a few years from now and not know what the hell he's saying during that scene in Wrigley. And then they have a rule that a team can only score 3 runs in an inning. ONce they get to 3 runs, the inning is over. The KC Royals should implement that rule. Of course, no tastes anywhere. Somewhere, Morris Buttermaker is spinning in his grave.
3. Since I mentioned smoking, two things. This commercial they run duing the Mets games about a dude with cancer telling people to quit smoking is the most powerful ad I've ever scene. If I did smoke, I'd stop or go broke. And finally, a big shout out to Dick Cody for getting the NJ smoking ban passed, a ban that goes into effect on April 14. For all of you who smoke out there, I'm know it's an inconvenience to go outside and smoke, but it's a bigger inconvenience for non-smokers to smell like shit for three days after going to a bar. With clear skies in local bowling alleys, I can see scores going up all over the state.
4. He's only been a Yankee for about a week, Johnny Damon has moved ahead of Derek Jeter and A-Rod on my most-hated list. For a man who a year ago said he would never play with the Yanks, you get the impression now that he goes home every night and tosses off on his pinstripes. He almost makes A-Rod seem sincere. Since we are talking baseball right now, a quesiton for you Yankee fans: If Omar calls Brian Cashman tomorrow and offers D. Wright for A-rod, striaght up, do you do it? From a Met standpoint, I say no fucking way.
For all of you people out there trying to figure out a way to entertain young children, Ice Age 2 the Meltdown was quite entertaining. Of course, I saw it at the theatre in Dunellen, NJ in which they bring pizza and beer to your seats, so that didn't hurt either.
Happy Easter and Happy (is that the right word?) Passover to everyone out there.
1. I used to think the easiest job in America was hosting America's Funniest Videos. Seriously, all you have to do is do schtick at about 10 seconds at a time in between clips of dudes getting hit in the balls. Now, my kids watch this show on syndication - it's constantly on WGN - and they love the current dude Tom Bergeron. Again, I used to think it was a cake job, but recently WGN has been showing the season with Daisy Fuentes and John Fugelsang and let me tell you, those two fucking suck huge ass. Daisy Fuentes - who, back in the day, was grossly overrated looks wise, but was a pioneer in the Latin whore phenomenon, could be the worst "talent" ever on TV. If you get a chance watch the show, it's on WGN at 7 p.m. every night just to see how God awful she is. It's painful.
See, I told you a trip into my lid may not be pretty.
2. I went to a Little League game the other day to catch the neighbor's kid in action, and I have to say I came away disgusted and vocally wondering what's happened to this country. First of all, there is no smoking allowed anywhere on the complex. I mean, tobacco and baseball go together like football and beer. What the fuck? Since, I don't smoke, I really don't care, but then the game starts, the first kid comes to bat and there's complete silence. No 'Hey, batter, batter, swiiiiiiiiing batter chants." No 'WE want a pithcer, not a belly itcher" chant from the batting team's dugout. I mean, is this world so fucking politically correct that the other team can't try to induce the other kid to swing at shitty pitches - which, by the way, is all they see? These kids are gonna watch Ferris Bueller a few years from now and not know what the hell he's saying during that scene in Wrigley. And then they have a rule that a team can only score 3 runs in an inning. ONce they get to 3 runs, the inning is over. The KC Royals should implement that rule. Of course, no tastes anywhere. Somewhere, Morris Buttermaker is spinning in his grave.
3. Since I mentioned smoking, two things. This commercial they run duing the Mets games about a dude with cancer telling people to quit smoking is the most powerful ad I've ever scene. If I did smoke, I'd stop or go broke. And finally, a big shout out to Dick Cody for getting the NJ smoking ban passed, a ban that goes into effect on April 14. For all of you who smoke out there, I'm know it's an inconvenience to go outside and smoke, but it's a bigger inconvenience for non-smokers to smell like shit for three days after going to a bar. With clear skies in local bowling alleys, I can see scores going up all over the state.
4. He's only been a Yankee for about a week, Johnny Damon has moved ahead of Derek Jeter and A-Rod on my most-hated list. For a man who a year ago said he would never play with the Yanks, you get the impression now that he goes home every night and tosses off on his pinstripes. He almost makes A-Rod seem sincere. Since we are talking baseball right now, a quesiton for you Yankee fans: If Omar calls Brian Cashman tomorrow and offers D. Wright for A-rod, striaght up, do you do it? From a Met standpoint, I say no fucking way.
For all of you people out there trying to figure out a way to entertain young children, Ice Age 2 the Meltdown was quite entertaining. Of course, I saw it at the theatre in Dunellen, NJ in which they bring pizza and beer to your seats, so that didn't hurt either.
Happy Easter and Happy (is that the right word?) Passover to everyone out there.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
RADIO DAZE
Since everyone is fired up over my post over the Wagner/Mo controversy created by two certain clowns in NY, my thought was we come up with a new entrance song for them.
So here are a few of my suggestions and then you guys can add your own. These are in no particular order:
1. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - The Hollies.
2. American Idiot - Green Day
3. Eat It - Weird Al Yankovick
4. Out of Touch - Hall and Oates
5. Bitch - The Rolling Stones
6. Girls Talk - Dave Edmunds
7. Wedding Bell Blues (Which features the lyrics "I wanna marry you Bill") referring to a certain Dallas Cowboy Coach.
8. Guerrilla Radio - Rage Against The Machine
9. I hate the Mets - Some Dopey Yankee fan
10. The Sounds of Silence - Simon and Garfunkle
So here are a few of my suggestions and then you guys can add your own. These are in no particular order:
1. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - The Hollies.
2. American Idiot - Green Day
3. Eat It - Weird Al Yankovick
4. Out of Touch - Hall and Oates
5. Bitch - The Rolling Stones
6. Girls Talk - Dave Edmunds
7. Wedding Bell Blues (Which features the lyrics "I wanna marry you Bill") referring to a certain Dallas Cowboy Coach.
8. Guerrilla Radio - Rage Against The Machine
9. I hate the Mets - Some Dopey Yankee fan
10. The Sounds of Silence - Simon and Garfunkle
Monday, April 03, 2006
ENTER FATMAN
Baseball season is here and New York already has its first baseball controversy.
In case you don't live in New York or just have the common sense not to spend your day listening to the two arrogant a-holes on New York's sports leader, you may have missed the two of them ripping new Met closer Billy Wagner for having "Enter Sandman" played when he came into the game in the ninth inning today. Their reasoning is, the song belongs to Mariano Rivera and therefore Wagner - despite the fact that it has been his theme song for several years - should literally change his tune. Of course, the two radio hosts - both Met haters and Met fan agitators - are completely wrong again, and here's why.
1. I guarantee, GUARANTEE, that Billy Wagner actually picked the song for himself, while Mo didn't. Think about it, Wagner is a white dude from West Virginia, and Mariano is from Panama. Who do you think actually likes Metallica? Honestly, what are the chances some dude working the Yankee Stadium PA system picked that out for Rivera and what are the chances that Wagner actually heard the song on the radio and said "that sounds like a good song for me."
2. Wagner has been a closer since 1996. Rivera started in 1997. The song came out in 1996. Therefore, chances are they both have been using the song the same amount of time or Wagner actually adopted it first.
3. Last time i checked the Metallica black album, there are no writing or publishing credits for a M. Rivera on the album. He has no more friggin rights the song than Wagner does. F him.
4. Yankee fans honestly believe they not only invented baseball, but they, because they root for a team who's payroll is twice of it's nearest competitior, think they carry more clout in the sport. Well, f them, too. I think the fact that Wagner plays the song infuriates them is the No. 1 reason to keep playing it. Hell, the Mets should crank it when Anderson Hernandez comes to bat.
5. What are the Mets supposed to do? Tell their $13 million closer that "We really like you, but we don't want to offend the greatest franchise in sports, so you have to change your song." And what is Wagner supposed to do? Change his song because it may offend some dopey guido in the Bronx who couldn't spell Metallica if his sorry life depended on it.
In closing, F the Yankees, F Mike and the Mad Dog and F Metallica (the song is overrated anyway). Rock on William Wagner.
In case you don't live in New York or just have the common sense not to spend your day listening to the two arrogant a-holes on New York's sports leader, you may have missed the two of them ripping new Met closer Billy Wagner for having "Enter Sandman" played when he came into the game in the ninth inning today. Their reasoning is, the song belongs to Mariano Rivera and therefore Wagner - despite the fact that it has been his theme song for several years - should literally change his tune. Of course, the two radio hosts - both Met haters and Met fan agitators - are completely wrong again, and here's why.
1. I guarantee, GUARANTEE, that Billy Wagner actually picked the song for himself, while Mo didn't. Think about it, Wagner is a white dude from West Virginia, and Mariano is from Panama. Who do you think actually likes Metallica? Honestly, what are the chances some dude working the Yankee Stadium PA system picked that out for Rivera and what are the chances that Wagner actually heard the song on the radio and said "that sounds like a good song for me."
2. Wagner has been a closer since 1996. Rivera started in 1997. The song came out in 1996. Therefore, chances are they both have been using the song the same amount of time or Wagner actually adopted it first.
3. Last time i checked the Metallica black album, there are no writing or publishing credits for a M. Rivera on the album. He has no more friggin rights the song than Wagner does. F him.
4. Yankee fans honestly believe they not only invented baseball, but they, because they root for a team who's payroll is twice of it's nearest competitior, think they carry more clout in the sport. Well, f them, too. I think the fact that Wagner plays the song infuriates them is the No. 1 reason to keep playing it. Hell, the Mets should crank it when Anderson Hernandez comes to bat.
5. What are the Mets supposed to do? Tell their $13 million closer that "We really like you, but we don't want to offend the greatest franchise in sports, so you have to change your song." And what is Wagner supposed to do? Change his song because it may offend some dopey guido in the Bronx who couldn't spell Metallica if his sorry life depended on it.
In closing, F the Yankees, F Mike and the Mad Dog and F Metallica (the song is overrated anyway). Rock on William Wagner.
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