RU SERIOUS

Let me get this straight:

In a state where property taxes are through the roof, gas prices are heading back that way, traffic is a fucking nightmare and its two biggest cities are chock full of murderes, rapists and battered children, a U.S. Senator is worried about a shitty football game not being on TV.

Yes, Jerseyans, that is what's going on here.

In case you missed it, Sen. Frank Lautenberg has written a letter to the head of the NFL Network pleading him to get the highly anticipated Houston Bowl on free TV. He's used phrases like "we will fight this" and "not gonna stand for this" when it comes to this tremendous injustice.

If you're not one of the thousand or so people who really care about Rutgers football, the Knights' clash with mighty Kansas State is scheduled to be shown exclusively on the NFL Network. And unless you have Comcast Digital Cable or a satellite dish, you will be watching Rutgers and North Carolina on the hardwood on 12/28 instead of what some are calling the other BCS Title game from Reliant Stadium.

Does that suck? It certainly does. It is annoying? Absolutely. Is it a reason for U.S. Senator to get involved? Absolutely not. Anyone who followed the YES Network's dispute with Cablevision in NYC knows a U.S. Senator and a few put off RU fans are not going to make the a-holes at the NFL Network and the Cable Companies give in. There's too much money at stake and they don't give a shit about the fans.

As for Lautenberg, it's a great grandstanding move, but c'mon dude, get real. Yes, RU fever is running rampant like E.Coli these days, but in all honestly, how many people are really looking forward to this game. Had it been last year's Insight.com bowl, I could see his point. Rutgers hadn't played in a bowl game in decades and it was a big deal. To me, the Houston Bowl is a shitty consolation prize. A week ago, Rutgers was minutes away from playing in the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day and now they are heading for The Houston Bowl. Whoop de damn do. It would be comparable to the Jets missing the playoffs on the last day of the season and then playing the Arizona Cardinals 5 weeks later.

Please, Senator Lautenberg, focus your efforts on shit that matters to everyone in the state. Instead of typing up a letter to a station that thinks Bryant Gumbel is talented, pay a visit to Newark or Camden or talk to some single parent working two jobs just so they pay their property taxes and put gas in their tank so they can get to their minimum wage job.

P.S. - The Pendleton Household does get the NFL Network and will charging RU fans just $5 a head to see the game. Beer will be extra.

ROTO-SCHILLING

Ok, I know it's been a while, what can I tell you?
Blogging is low on my list of things to do these days, but I'm taking the quality over quantity approach, basically blogging when I really get wound up.

Yesterday, I was.

Now let me say, I understand how fun/frustrating fantasy football can be. I'm in a league, my team sucks arse - Ronnie Brown and Cadillac Williams were my first two picks, but it's still fun. However, I don't fucking obsess over it. And I would never, EVER, do what I saw yesterday.

Celebrating my brother's birthday, me, Joe Pendleton Sr. and my brother went to a place with Sunday Ticket to bang down some tastes, watch every game and eat some grub.

So there we were having fun and then I spot a dude looking for a table. The problem was, no tables had an outlet for him to plug in his laptop. Yes, this dude actually brought a laptop with him to the bar so he could track his fantasy game. Get a fucking life. This fantasy thing has gone too far. When I think fantasy, it's Without a Trace star Poppy Montgomery, Rosalyn Sanchez and a can of Reddi Whip, not a laptop in a bar tracking how Marc Bulger is doing.

Other than that, not much else going on. The beer count is through the roof after a weekend of drinking in Colorado for a wedding, a complete bash of a wedding the following week in Hoboken when a midget in a wheelchair played the keyboards and banged out tunes and a Thanksgiving weekend that featured nothing but football and tastes (the laptop stayed home).

A few things to look forward to before the year ends.

1. THe most overrated bands of all time post I have promised since Oct.
2. The 10 best/worst days of the year.

I promise these will be posted soon.

ROCKY MOUNTAIN SCHTICK

I'm back. In more ways than one.

Not only is this my first post in almost two months, me and Mrs. Pendleton just got back from hijinx-filled weekend in Colorado. In Colorado, I ran into many fans of FNC and they urged me to get back to the blogging. Well, their support and the many wacky things I saw/did in the Rocky Mountain State has revived my love of the blog.

So here we go. Note: Beer count is totally shot. I have no idea at this minute. I will try to calculate, but it won't be anywhere close.

Now to the blogging, which tonight will be a few observations, notes, rants from Colorado.

First the highlights of the trip.

On Saturday afternoon, me and the Mrs. went to Columbine HS. I know it sounds morbid, but it's a place I really wanted to see. When ripped by one fan of FNC who couldn't understand why I would want to go there, I compared to people going to Pearl Harbor or Ground Zero. I know it sounds wacky, but I think it's a good comparison. It's the scene of one of our nation's darkest days, and also influential. It let parents all across the U.S. know they need to keep an eye on their kids, and if they sense something is wrong or troubling their kids get INVOLED.

Anyway, it was very strange as the HS is right next to a huge park that features several softball fields and football fields and soccer fields. As a matter of fact, when we got there, there were at least 4 softball games going on and a youth football tournament. What was wierd was I felt very somber about being at the HS, but everyone else didn't seem that way. Of course, these folks have lived there the last 7 years - I haven't. Anyway, the most intense part of the trip was standing on the sideline for a CHS JV football tilt. It was very hard core. After the game, my wife and I took a lap around the school. I couldn't help but think of all the poor kids and parents whose lives will never be the same.


OK, sorry about the somber stuff. Here's a brief breakdown of the rest of the trip.

Red Rocks is very cool. I would guess seeing a concert there would be very intense.

The wedding I went out there for was very cool as well. Good times with friends. The one let down was the DJ wrapping up the night with William Joel's Piano Man. The groom and I have discussed this. He told me he was thinking of me when the song was playing. I told him not to sweat it.

Plus, about 2 hours later a friend/comedian of ours got into a great toe-to-toe verbal battle with a 16-year-old carhop at Sonic. Perhaps one of the funniest things I've ever scene.

Boulder, Col is pretty cool. It's like hippie ville. I even did schtick with some cats trying to legalize pot. I was with them until I read their literature, which took aim at alcohol use, basically questioning why is alcohol legal but not pot? Offended by this, I went to the nearest tavern and got completely smashed, the night ending with me and many friends filling a juke box with dollars to play a string of John Denver/Neil Diamond tunes.

The highlight of the trip, however, was a trip to Rocky Mtn. National Park. I'm no nature guy, but this was awesome. The highlight was getting caught in small snowstorm at a place called Bear Lake. Of course, since it was 60 degrees in boulder when we started the day, I had shorts on. I would've loved to spend the day there, but we spent the first half of the day on the CU campus. I think I saw that nutty professor who likes to rip 9/11 victims, but I'm not sure it was him. I tried to tell dames on campus I was a football recruit, but none of them offered me "favors" to become a Buffalo.

Trip ended Monday with dinner in Denver. This is where i really got worked up. WHile my wife and I were sitting at a bar, I heard some business cat sitting next to us describing his house to a coworker. When he used the term "master bedroom" to describe his sleeping quarters I almost lost it.

Ok, listen, I know everyone uses that term, but why? All he had to say was "my bedroom," to the dude. It's his house, everyone fucking knows he'll get the biggest bedroom, but, in the attempt to make himself more important, he has to say "master bedroom," as if it's a fucking oasis. In my hut, the "master bedroom", is about 5 feet bigger than my kids' room, therefore it's called "my bedroom." And then, of course, if you have your own shitter in your own bedroom, it's called the "master bathroom." Pleese. People take themselve so seriously. I felt like ripping into the dude, but figured it would be out of line. I understand why realtors use the term - they are trying to make the house seem more important than it is - but do co-workers talking to each other have to? Please.

Well, it's good to be back. More coming soon.

START THE REACTOR

OK, I'm still not done with the Most Overrated Musical Acts in History list just yet, but here's something to chew on until then.

On Labor Day I was making a significant addition to the beer count at my neighbor's house when he decided to hook up his I-pod to the docking system he recently got. He told me most of the songs on there were put on by a friend of his. Anyway, most of it was recent tunes.

There was that "You're Beautiful" song by Jim Blunt (???) and "Bad Day" but I don't know who and some song by Shakira about shakin' her arse. Listening to those songs it dawned on me that 80's music is 100 times better than the shit being turned out today. Seriously.

I mean most of the pop music from the 80s is awful, but at least it's frigging music, meaning it's not hip-hop, overproduced, studio-magic bullshit, and it's not puss music.

Say what you want about Huey Lewis or Men at Work or Asia, at least it was lisenable. Music today friggin sux arse.

A few other thoughts.

-- I caught about 10 minutes of Dane Cook's HBO special last week and I have to say Saving Private Ryan was funnier. I know I'm old and out of touch with today's kids, but I know funny when I see it and I didn't see it.

-- Did anyone catch the Suri Cruise photo on the cover of Vanity Fair last week with the "baby" wrapped up in Tom Cruise's coat. My first thought was it eerily resembled Quato from Total Recall, where the alien actually lived in the dude's stomach. Hmmmmm. By the way, speaking of cruise, there's nothing a hate more than someone who wears a suit and tie to a football game. What a dueche.

CRAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Well, the no-beer till Halloween thing is already off. I had a few Saturday while doing some household chores and then taking Mrs. P out for dinner Saturday night. Our wedding aniversay is actually 9/11, so we usually go out a day or two before the 11th so we don't look like total deuchebags celebrating and saying "Happy Anniversary" on the worst day in the history of this country.

Some other thoughts from the weekend.

1. When did a hooded sweatshirt become a hoodie. What the f-ck is that? Why does everything have to have some cute name? It's a friggin hooded sweatshirt.

2. I got some crap from Sandman about me ripping his musical tastes and he actually challenged me to list my favorite bands. Well, instead of that, in the next few days I'm gonna post my list of the top 15 most overrated acts in music history. And believe it or not, William Joel will not be No. 1

3. Is it me, or are you tired of the NFL already. I mean, I love football, don't get me wrong, but from Pink's awful intro song on "Football Night in America" or shitty calls by awful refs deciding games or two hick brothers going head-to-head, I'm already tired of this crap. By the way, nice job by Tiki Barber doing a commercial for Dish Network, where it claims you get all NFL all the time. It's funny, they don't mention you can't get Sunday Ticket on Dish. I love to see the looks on Giant fans faces when they sign up for Dish - on Tiki's advice - and then realized they can't watch every game on Sunday and are into Dish cash wise for 12 months. Thanks dude.

4. Congrats to Jersey Girl for the whoopin OSU put on Texas Saturday night and the big Jet win Sunday. As for my beloeved Rams - HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE WIN.

Finally, my thoughts and prayers to all who lost family and friends on 9/11. We just have to hope it never happens again.

Beer count: 411.

Stay tuned for the big overrated list in a few days.

SEE YOU IN SEPTEMBER

Well, as promised, here are the Pendleton Summer Awards.
Editor's note: Due to a high beer count, some good moments of the summer have been totally forgotten. So, If you feel slighted or left out, blame my lack of brain cells and don't take it personally.

Also, the only eligible day are from the Friday before Memorial Day to Labor Day Monday.

WORST DAY OF THE SUMMER: This one is easy. It's Monday, Aug. 14. Here's how the day goes. Pick up Todd at his apartment at 5:00 with the hopes of catching a 5:29 NJ Transit tain to NYC as a first leg to Yankee Stadium. Well, let's just say we got to Metropark at 5:15 and boarded a train at 6:50. 6 Friggin 50. Not only that, some family of five decided that I knew how to get from Penn Station to the Bronx and followed us the entire way there. We finally get to the House That Steroids Built around 8 and proceed to watch the most boring baseball game in history. The highlight of the game is a HUGE, CLUTCH sac fly from A-Rod. To make matters worse, two dopes behind me keep pointing out the Mets score, which was about 15-0 Phillies at the time. When Todd and I get back to Penn Station, we have some time for a quick taste, so we head to Houlihans, which only charges me $6.99 for a pint of Bud Lite. When we finally get back to Edison, we're both a little hungry, but of course, the local Taco Bell is closed. ONLY, ONLY the three cans of Coors Lite provided to me by the Sandman get me through the day.

BEST DAY OF THE SUMMER: This is a no-brainer. It was July 15 - my dad's 80th surprise birthday. Not only were we celebrating the cat's milestone, we were also celebrating his recovery from cancer surgery. The only lowlight was I got snagged trying to get a free taste from a wedding in an adjouning room. Anway, a great day. If this party didn't take place, the Whale taking the Cup would've been No. 1.

BEST PARTY OF THE SUMMER (See how I got around this one pretty good.) AUG. 19. The big Localschill engagement party. It had everything - buckets of free tastes, plenty of schills, clowns and yahoos, attractive dames, the Mets 86 celebration and of course, the chocolate fountain. From what I remember it was a great time.

CONCERT OF THE SUMMER: OK, I only saw one, but the June 6 Allen Oldies Band show at Maxwell's wouldv'e beaten anything anyway. Getting called up on stage to sing "Peanut Butter" was the unquestionable highlight.

BIGGEST DRINKING DAY OF THE SUMMER: Believe it or not, the localschill party is not the winner, neither is the Pops Pendleton party. No, this day is Friday, July 7 It starts with a Friday night softball double-header with the SP K of C. I would estimate I had about 6-7 tastes during the game. Figure in about 6-7 postgame at the field. Then, we headed back to the K of C hall, where free tastes were flowing out of the tap - about 6-7 more. Then, the cat driving me home wanted to stop at the local watering hole - the same place I got in trouble for cursing at - and had about 3-4 more. So that's about 25 tastes in about a 6-hour span.

POST OF THE SUMMER: Despite him calling me a lazy piece of crap and ranking some of the worst bands of all time in his top 100, I gotta go with Sandman's Top 109 post. It's amazes me how one man could have such questionable taste in music and free time, but it was worth it.

BIGGEST MISTAKE OF THE SUMMER: I bought some cheap potato salad Sunday at the local super market. You can figure out the rest.

SECOND BIGGEST MISTAKE OF THE SUMMER: Getting hooked back on this blogging thing. It, like the potato salad, was finally out of my system, but Jersey Girl practically begged me to start blogging again. So here I am.

Believe it or not, the beer count has not grown since my last post yesterday.

If I think of anymore summer awards, I'll post them.

Go IRISH.

COUNT ME IN

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK.

For the record, I haven't blogged since 7/28. I think I lost interest for a while or just needed some time off for my other favorite activity - drinking.

Anyway, a quick update.

My last official beer count was 171 around the first of June. I figure after a Labor Day weekend that involved hardly any labor, the beer count is around 402. Yes, I more than doubled the count in two months. With wild engagement parties and my dad's 80-surprise party, it's amazing it's not at 500. The only thing that really stopped me was a kid's birthday party last weekend that featured my two most hated words in the world "CASH BAR"

However, if you had the over, you could be in trouble. My goal this entire summer was the keep my weight at about the same I started the summer at, which is around 219 LBS. Remember, when I started this deal on Jan. 2, I was at 240ish.

Now comes phase 2. The goal now is to get to the 205-210 range by early Nov. I think I can do it. On Mon, Weds and Fris, both Pendleton kids will be at school in the morning, giving me time to bike ride and exercise and do other heath-related activies. Also, my new goal is to avoid having any tastes until Halloween. There will be two exceptions to this date. I'm scheduled to go to a Penn State game on Sept. 30. and there will also be plenty of drinking when the Mets either win the World Series or get eliminated from the playoffs.

So, with those two dates in mind, we should be looking at a beer count of about 440 on the morning of. Nov. 1.

Now, on the morning of Nov. 12 expect the beer count to be at 500 after back to back Saturday weddings. Anyway, Stay tuned.

Also, in next couple of days, I'll post my Pendleton Summer Award winners with categories ranging from best shindig to worst day of the summer to everything in between.

Anyway, it's glad to be back.

I think I need a beer.

SCREECHING TO A HALT

For all fans of Saved By The Bell and our good friend The Professor, this is a must see.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/07/beldingsings.html

DEAD FLOWERS

Well, the Glimmer Twins are at it again. In case you missed it, the Rolling Stones are playing Giants Stadium in the fall and tickets went on sale today.

My first reaction was to check out the ticket scene and maybe, out of curiosity, go see these dudes for the first time since they played Shea in 1989. So, I log onto ticketmaster.com, go the Gianst Stadium show and see that there are seats in Sect. 111, Row 40 available. I think, hmmm, not bad seats, maybe I'll check it out.

And then I see that the tickets are $160 each. EACH. And that's before ticketmaster tacks on another $20 convienience charge. So that would be $360 for two tix to see these old bastards on the stage.

It's amazing how these cats, or anyone charging prices like that, get away with it. They are so friggin arrogant, and realize the public is so friggin ignorant, that they charge whatever the hell they want. It's obvious they don't give a crap about their fans. They just care about the almight buck, which, they have plenty of already.

While I'm not a huge Bon Jovi fan I respect the cat for not totally fleecing the public when it comes to concerts. I know some of his seat are quite pricey, but he's not charging $160 each for row 40 of the bottom level.

The bottom line is as long as people keep shelling out their cash to see the Stone do Honky Tonk Woman for the 5 millionth time, they can charge the prices.

On a similar note, a friend of mind went the All-Star game in Pittsburgh two weeks ago. He had pretty awful seats, which, for a Pirates game, would cost $11. Face value for the All-Star game tix with $125. Thanks for nothing Bud.

Some other notes:
-- Who says South Plainfield isn't an exciting place to live. I mean, we have strippers who have human skulls and hands in their house. I'm already in talks for the 41st birthday part. No word on whether or not the hand had $1 bill in it.

-- It looks like Floyd Landis' Tour de France win was a complete sham. In case you missed the breaking news today, he's tested positive for drugs after stage 17. You stay classy Floyd.

-- It's amazing that when your baseball team is playing well, how insignificant the opening of NFL camps is. In past years, I couldn't wait for Bulger and the boys to suit up, but this year I don't give a crap, since it appears October baseball will be played in Queens this year. On another note, I think Omar has something up his sleeve and will pull off a major move before Monday. Just a hunch.

-- One other Met note, does anyone realize a possible showdown with a former Met catcher looms in the playoffs with the Friars playing well in Whale's Vagina.

WILDWOOD DAZE

The Pendletons just got back from 4 fun-filled days at Wildwood Crest. Beer count skyrocketed as I single-handedly took care of a 30-pack of Miller Lites and a 12-pack of Miller Lites on the trip.

Also, before any tastes were consumed, I lost my wedding ring in the Atlantic Ocean. It slipped right off my finger. Mrs. Pendleton actually took it pretty well. Of course, when she found out I was exploring if that means I'm no longer married, she was a bit steamed.

Anyway, the trip - which concluded with a trip to Margate and Lucy The Elephant - was great.

It was made even better when I returned home and found out this had been emailed to me. You must, MUST, check this out right now.

http://tinyurl.com/fnrpb

TOP 25 PENDLETON ALBUMS

Inspired by Sandman's Post of the Year Nominee about his top 108 bands of all time, I decided to put my own spin on things. I here am listing the top 25 albums in the Pendleton collection.
A few rules: No compilations, no greatest hits, no soundtracks included. This is just straight up albums. I was gonna include a link to each one, but I'm too lazy.

Here goes

25. THE OFFSPRING: SMASH - OK, rip away at this one. I know they are a clown band, but damn it, 'Come Out and Play' is worth the price of the CD right there. I used to play the crap out of this one back at the old C-N days (must've been all the pent up rage) and I still give it a spin every once in a while. I know once the Pendleton children hear 'Come Out and Play" they will want to hear it over and over again, so I'm holding back for now.

24. BR5-49. The only country entry on the list. If you've never heard of these dudes, do yourself a favor and get this disc. These country swing dudes kick total ass.

23. STEVE MILLER BAND: BOOK OF DREAMS - Of course, anyone who lived through the 70s has Steve Miller's Greatest Hits in their library. Well this album includes many of those hits from that disc and it's still holds up almost 30 years later.

22. DAN BAIRD: SONGS FOR THE HEARING IMPAIRED - Former frontman for the Georgia Satellites scored a hit with "I Love You Period," but really, the whole album kicks arse. A real fun listen.

21. DRAMARAMA: VINYL: Great album. Incredible songs, plus the "Tube Bar" intro to "Haven't Got a Clue," makes it a must own.

20. JELLYFISH: JELLYFISH - Just one listen to "Baby's Coming Back" and you'll know why this is on the list.

19. EVERCLEAR: SPARKLE & FADE: These cats faded away, but their first commercial album is incredible. "Santa Monica" was a big hit, but the real prizes are "Heroin Girl" and "You Make Me Fee Like A Whore."

18. MICHAEL JACKSON: THRILLER: No matter what you want to say about the dude now, he produced a fucking pop masterpiece.

17. FOO FIGHTERS: The Colour and the Shape: Another one that got me through the C-N days. Great tunes from start to finish.

16: NEIL YOUNG: HARVEST MOON: I have to say I don't have much Neil in my collection, but next time you're sitting on a beach banging down tastes, put this disc on.

15: LEMONHEADS: IT'S A SHAME ABOUT RAY: Ok, Evan Dando is a huge douchebag, but this album friggin rocks, and that's before you get to the "Mrs. Robinson" cover.

14. MARVIN GAYE: WHAT'S GOING ON?" I have to say I've never listened to the whole album, but I keep it around on the offchance Halle Berry stops into the Pendleton hut for a little action.

13. LED ZEPPELIN: HOUSES OF THE HOLY: Also not a huge Zeppelin guy, but my buddy Bob Stocker gave me this disc around 1985 and everyonce in a while I pop it in.

12. VAN HALEN: This debut album with DL Roth kicks anything Sam Horrible did with the boys. Could be, COULD BE, one of the best debut albums of all time.

11. LOU REED: NEW YORK - It's the only Lou Reed album I own, but it's incredible. "Dirty Blvd." one of my favorite tunes of all time.

THE TOP 10

10. NIRVANA: SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT - I realize it should be much higher, but for the sake of not being too obvious I leave it here.

9. SMITHEREENS: ESPECIALLY FOR YOU - Another amazing debut. I find myself really getting into "A Lonely Place" lately.

8. JOE JACKSON: LOOK SHARP: This actually could be higher on the list. One of the most underrated albums of all time. You could throw out the hit "Is She Really Going Out With Him" and this disc is still great. In a rarity, every song is great.

7. ROLLING STONES: SOME GIRLS: Another one that should be higher. What can I tell you. A friggin masterpiece from the greatest rock and roll band of all time. "Before They Make Me Run" a personal favorite.

6. FISHBONE: TRUTH & SOUL: Probably the best album you've never heard of. From the cover of Curtis Mayfield's "Freddy's Dead,'" to "Change," these guys put out a great disc before they went completely bonkers.

5. THE BEATLES: ABBEY ROAD: A masterpiece. not much else to say here.

4. PEARL JAM: VS. - Ed Mueller & Co's sophomore effort showed they weren't just some grunge act, rather it showed they have the depth and conscience to have major staying power on the rock scene. (NOTE: That last sentence is my one and only attempt to sound like those a-holes in newspapers the review albums as if they were science projects).

3. RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS: MOTHER'S MILK: This is the album that hooked me on Flea and the Boys. Any band that has Tracy Lords moaning in the backround during a guitar solo (STONE COLD BUSH) is alright with me.

2. THE CULT: ELECTRIC - If not for No. 1, this would clearly take the top spot. If 'Li'l Devil" doesn't get you pumped up, nothing will. An ass kicking time from start to finish.

1. RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS: BLOOD SUGAR SEX MAGIK: Unquestionably my favorite album of all time and, in my humble opinion, one of the greatest albums of all time. Not sure if there's a coincidence that the top 2 albums were produced by Rick Rubin, but maybe there is. Anyway, it's 90 minutes of pure rock, funk and sex. Three of my favorite things.

Well, there you have it. Rip away.

2 MUCH

Well, I know certain fans of fishingnotcatching are looking forward to Clerks 2, but I have to admit, I've watched the preview for it about 5-6 times and smell a huge bomb.

I mean, with know K. Smith's inconsistency with films (Clerks great, Mallrats terrible, Chasing Amy great, Dogma: didn't see it, Jersey Girl, pure stench, Jay & Silent Bob: didn't see it, heard it's good) you have to wonder.

Also, his semi-recent marriage with Jay Leno and the Tonight Show cause me great concern about this dude. That, plus the fact that he's obviously run out of ideas by going with a sequel, cause me great concern.

Anway, I'm just making a prediction that it will suck. I've been wrong before.

AMERICA, AMERICA

A friend of mine just clued me in to youtune.com, which has to be the greatest web site ever invented.

Anway, while browsing the site tonight (July 4) I stumbled on to these two amazing videos.

The first is - believe it or not - a serious song, written and performed - believe it or not - by the most famous man ever to emerge out of South Plainfield, the great Dennis Madalone.

A little background on this cat. He was a Hollywood stuntman, appeared several times on "The Greatest American Hero," and even did a little acting. As a matter of fact, in a famous episode of Quincy, he played the guy who shot Quincy. This cat, one time, even jumped off a huge crane at the SP Church fair.

Anway, the second video is a remixing of the first video featuring everyone's favorite movie theme song.

Enjoy the clips and Happy Fourth of July.

Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search=Dennis+Madalone&search_type=search_videos&search=Search

Beer count: I've lost count.

WHAT THE F*&% WERE THEY THINKING?

While sweating my ass off mowing my lawn today, my mind started to wander - and that's usually not a good thing. Well, today, I started thinking about people's motivation to invent some of the great things we have today.

Of course, today, I started thinking about the dude who invented the air conditioner. I'm sure, like me, this cat was sweating his balls off somewhere and finally said "Enough of this shit," and said I have to figure out a way to make it cool in my house even though it's hot outside. What a friggin genius. Anyway, that led me to think about other inventions and their origins.

Here's just a few:

-- Toilet paper. You know some dude was getting tired of that itchy-I-didn't-wipe-enough-feeling in his arse when he came up with the idea for TP. Either that, or he was tired of shoving leaves up his butt. Either way, great job to whoever came up with TP. I wonder if he's the same guy who came up with idea for putting it on a roll.

-- The condom. Somewhere, some dude was banging dames left and right, but also banging out kids left and right. So he probably said to himself. "I can either stop banging dames or cover my penis with something to stop the kids being banged out". Of course, stop banging dames was not an option, so the condom was born.

-- Eggs. OK, not the actual egg, but the idea of eating eggs. Think about it, what sick fuck walked by a chicken, saw the eggs in a nest and thought "I bet if I heat up those unborn chicks, add in some ham, cheese and peppers, I'd have a nice breakfast." Anyway, I'm glad he did.

-- Jock strap. This one I really can't figure out. How did some dude realize the best way to keep from hurting yourself during athletic competition is to pack your balls as tight as they can be against your body? On a related note, you gotta figure the dude who invented the cup took many a shot to the package in his day.

A few other things:
Last Saturday my neighbor and me put up a garage-door opener at my dad's hut in anticipation of his arrival home from the hospital. Anyway me and my neighbor wrapped up around 2 bells and me - being a nice guy who didn't really do much of the garage-door opener installing - offered to buy him lunch at a local watering hole. Well we get into the place and there are about 3 other hard-core cats in there banging down tastes. We order lunch, bang down some tastes and watch the Yankee Old Timer's Day shit on TV. Well, I guess I dropped many an F-Bomb watching David Cone and Darryl Strawberry being lauded as great Yankees that as I ordered my 4th beer, the bartender says to me "I'll give you another one, but you have to watch the language." I wanted to say "Are you fucking kidding me?" but I bit my filthy tongue. As it turned out, an older couple (in their 60s) were having lunch on the other side of the bar. Now, before you rip me, there is a dining room in this place that they could've went to at anytime during my 4-letter-word filled tirade. But they didn't. Plus, if you walk into a dive bar in Central Jersey at 2 p.m. on a Saturday, you should be prepared - rather expect -to hear salty language.

One final note: I've been a Met fan forever, and I still feel there will be some serious drama/tension in this regular season, and by that I mean I can see the Phils or Braves or Fish getting to within 5 or 6 games in late August/early September. It's the Mets. Nothing is ever easy.

That's all for now. I've sort of lost track of the beer count, but promise an updated figure for my next post.

Hmm, I wonder who invented beer.

A WHALE OF A DAD

Well, it's been a while, but with Joe Pendleton Sr. still banged up, blogging not a real big priority right now.

As for Mr. Pendleton, his surgery on Saturday was a success, but he's still in the hospital. Due to the major stomach surgery he underwent, eating is still out. The cat is dying for a big Denny's breakfast, but that could be a while.

While I'm so happy the surgery went well and we believe all of the cancer is gone, it's still hard to see someone you love with tubes coming out of everywhere and pretty much confined to a hospital bed. Still, it beats the alternative.

The one good thing about Pop having surgery this week was my bro from California came to NJ for the weekend. I hadn't seen the dude since Turkey Day, so it was good to see him. We went to see Nacho Libre together Sunday night. It was a tremendous trip. It was my first movie in about a 8 months that didn't feature computer generated characters or a cartoon. It was a great flick. If you're into Jack Black, check it out. Part of the weekend also featured my first trip to White Castle since the big diet began in January. If you really want to enjoy a White Castle, go 6 months without one and then bang down a few. Man, those things are friggin good.

The weekend also concluded with the Whale capturing the Stanley Cup. It was pumped for the Canes win until Gary Bettman got on his knees and sucked off Canes owner Peter Karmanos for believing hockey could work in Raleigh. Honestly, is Afghanistan had offered that dude some cash to build an arena, he would've moved there.

I think the thing I will miss most about hockey being over is Doc Emerick, who, in the last 2 months re-established himself as the best play-by-play man in any sport. The dude could make taking a shit exciting. Wait a minute, taking a shit is exciting.

Speaking of taking a shit, the Pendleton household finally has its new bathroom. Since the week before Memorial Day, we had been w/0 a shower and upstairs bathroom since it was being completely redone. I was taking showers at Mrs. Pendleton Srs house, and, when I couldn't get over there, was washing my hair in the kitchen sink. I wrote a few months ago how underrated a foot is. Let me tell you, a bathroom is even more underrated.

As for the Mets. It's clear they will win the NL East, but I gotta tell you, every Met fan will be holding their breath in October when Billy Wagner comes charging in. The dude has been shaky all season, and will be a huge question mark come October.

That's all for now.
Sorry about the limited schtick. I'm sitting here at 3:15 a.m. typing this in while drinking a Coors Light. How fucking depressing is my life?

HAIR AND NOW

With my hair starting to get out of control, I popped out of bed early today and headed for the local barber shop. When I say early, I mean 9:30, which is early for me.

Anyway, while sitting in the barber shop half asleep, my mind starting to wander as some short Italian dude got dangerously close to my ears with a pair of scissors.

Anyway, here's a peek into the brain of a tired man.

-- Billy Joel sucks. As I was getting the haircut, the radio played a live version of "My Life." I know everyone loves him, but let's face it, he sucks. Every one of his songs either A: Is pop bullshit; B: Is a cheesy love song, C: Is a tired singalong song. A few examples of each.

A: My Life - very gay, very shitty. We Didn't Start the Fire: Huge piece of shit. Uptown Girl: PURE STENCH.

B: Just the Way You Are: Sure, Christie Brinkley doesn';t need to change, but if you dame is fat and smelly, she could certainly go changing. New York State of Mind: YAWWWWWWWWWN.

C: And this is where I get really wound up. On a much earlier post, I stated there's nothing I hate more than drunk chicks in a bar singing real loud. Well, Piano Man might be the biggest catalyst to this kind of behavior. Only The Good Die Young also promotes this crap. Therefore, I hate both and the man who penned these songs.

Plus, if you look at Mr. Joel's work. He never sets a trend, he just goes with whatever is hot at the time and cashes in. Anyway, the dude sucks.

--- OK, this one will get me ripped, but here goes. Jessica Simpson is not hot. She's not. Sure, great tits, great arse, nice looking mug, but to me, her whole persona ruins it. She's a friggin nitwit - and believe me, while there's nothing wrong with dumb hot chicks - there's something about her nitwittiness that turns me off. Now if the dame arrived on my doorstep looking for some action and Mrs. Pendleton gave me the green light, I'd have to take care of her. But when she's on TV or on the internet or in the series of WHORE mags like STUFF and FHM, I'm not reaching for tissues and flashlight. I'll take Alba any day of the week. She's no Swank, either.

-- Being a barber has to be a shitty job. At least if you're a hair stylist - and not gay - you get the occassional hot dame. But a barber just has to deal with either smelly dudes or insane kids all day. At this moment, it's a smelly dude he's dealing with. I can certainly think of worse jobs, but cutting hair all day has to suck, especially in these PC times where you can't smoke, drink or curse in these barber shops.

-- I really hate that Ann Coulter dame. Ironically, I get what she is saying about the 911 wdows, which is, why should they have such a powerful voice because their hubbies died on 911. But this cunt - my favorite new word - has to rip these broads. Anyway, it's obvious this whore is stirring up just to stir it up and sell some books. The effect she's had on me is I feel no matter who runs on the Democratic ticket in 2008, that person - even if it's Mrs. Slick Willy - has to win. The ultra-conservatism of this country is driving me nuts. It won't be long before the FCC is charging me $350,000 for typing in cunt.

Well, that's it for now. Next haircut in about 8 weeks.

PS. Is anyone else having problems putting pictures on this thing? If you have any tips let me know.

ROLLERCOASTER OF LOVE

Well, what a week it's been.

Most of you already know, but if you don't, my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on Monday. It was quite a blow for the Pendleton family and needless to say Monday was one of the all-time shitty days.

However, on Tuesday, we got word the cancer has not spread and it is likely it can be removed by surgery, with some follow up chemo. What kills me is the dude has never smoked, is not a big drinker and takes very good care of himself. It just goes to show you never fucking know. Live it up while you can kids.

I've already learned in the last week or so not to get too high or too low and try to stay on an even keel. I'm well experienced in this emotional rollercoaster, being a long time follower of the New York Metropolitans.

Speaking of the Mets and cancer, I asked a young dude I work with the other day how the hell he could still be smoking after watching those anti-smoking ads they run on SNY. The one with the dude with the hole in his neck and cancer kazoo is the most disturbing and most powerful. I swear, if they ever started running ads on TV that beer drinking would do that to you, I would go cold turkey. I swear I would.

Anyway, some other notes:
-- I drove by a big, new Indian food market the other day and a sign out front advertised CUD at 2.99 for 11 pounds. Anything with that name and that price has to take like shit.

-- My all-time favorite movie "Rollercoaster" came on last night on something called the Retrochannel. I only watched the first hour since it was 4 a.m., but man the first 15 minutes of that movie, especially the part where an entire rollercoaster car of people land on their heads is pretty hard core.

-- Speaking of living it up, The Allen Oldies Band (see link on my link chart) will be staging its second annaul East Coast Invasion this weekend. Tonight, they are at Maxwell's in Hoboken. How hard core are these cats? They played 5.5 hours last year - without taking a break. And it's a high-octane, full energy oldies show. Their version of Snoopy vs. the Red Barron might be the greatest live performance I've ever seen.

-- For all you Springsteeners out there, a co-worker of mine told me a friend of his went to see The Boss at Conseco Fieldhut last week and only 4,000 folks showed up. That's nutty. My only indication of the Boss' popularity outside of NJ came in the early 90s, when I went to see him at the Richfield Coliseum outside of Cleveland for the Human Touch/Lucky Town tour. While the crowd was lively, there were plenty of empty seats in the hut. Of course, you can't blame anyone for not wanting to shell out $50 to see Shayne Fontaine.

-- Now to hockey. All I can say is if the Canes win that Cup, one of those dude - maybe Glen Wesley - should parade that bad boy through the streets of Hartford. And then Pete Laviolette should take it and shove it up Mike Modano's arse. Remember, Modano ripped Laviolette after the Olympics.

-- Now for my Yankee venting. I will agree that the catch by Melka Cabrerba was a great catch in a semi-big spot. Remember, it's only June 5. But for a-hole John Sterling to call it the best catch we've ever seen just shows you what a huge schill that dude it. I can name 10 Met catches off the top of my head that were better than that catch. And here they are in no particular order.

-- Tommie Agee's two amazing catches in the 69 Series.
-- Ron Swaboda's amazing catch in the 69 Series.
-- Jay Payton's running, jumping catch in San Fran a few years ago where he literallly took back a ball that was about 5 rows deep.
-- David Wright's barehanded catch.
-- Patrick Howell's (remember him) running catch into the right field wall. I'll say sometime around 1995.
-- David Wright's catch in Seattle last year where he went into the stands to catch a ball. Unlike Derek Jeter, he didn't catch the ball on the field and take 10 steps before diving into the crowd, he actually caught the ball while diving into the crowd.
-- Carlos Beltran's catch the other night at Dodger Stadium.
-- Mike Cameron's catch vs. Astros last year where he fell down, and while laying on his arse caught the ball.
-- Rey Ordonez's diving, over the shoulder catch while heading toward the outfield circa 1999.
-- Cleon Jones' catch to end the 69 World Series.

Anyway, the real problem here is over-the-top hype these Yankee-Red Sox games get. I mean they play 19 times a year. Give it a rest. As for John Sterling, great column in today's NY Daily News by Bob Raissman on Sterling.

That's all for now. Your thoughts and prayers where Mr. Pendleton are concerned a greatly appreciated.

THE OLD MAN AND THE C-WORD

Well, it's been more than a week since the much-anticipated trip to Fenway for Yanks-Sox. Here are some of the highlights.
-- Not to sound gay, but I do find taking long road trips with a couple of cats pretty fun. I mean, it's great. You get to do a lot of cursing and farting and other shit you would never get away with at home.

Speaking of cursing, halfway to Boston we got into a discussion what an underrated four-letter word the C-word is. I mean think about it, if you are having a bad day at work you - in this day & age, could get away with yelling fuck or shit and nobody would really give you a hard time. But yell something like "Cuntsucker" real loud and people will act as if you shot someone. That's what makes the C-word great, it's may be the only 4-letter word that really still offends people. I'm gonna try to work it more and more into my daily vocabulary.

Speaking of C's (see, I won't even type it in), those Red Sox fans in Boston are exactly that. Need some proof.

-- In the sixth inning of the game, I had to take a mean piss, so I headed for the men's room. Upon seeing the line into the "IN" door was quite long, I did want any self-respecting man would do, I headed right for the "OUT" door. About 10 feet from a nice-open urinal, some a-hole literally hips checks me and pins me up against a wall. So I say, "what's your problem", he says "go in the IN door like everyone else." I say "What, are you the fucking bathroom police?" and he says something like "It's not fair to everyone else." Now me, being the friendly drunk I am, so "you know what, you're right, I'll go to the IN door," and I proceed to follow this dude out of the bathroom. However, the second the dude is about 10 feet in front of me, I do a 360, go back through the OUT door, take a quick piss and head back to my seat.

Two lessons here: First of all, as much as I hate Yankee fans, they would never give me shit for going through the out door. Second of all, I used to wonder why people would ever start fights at a baseball game, but now I know. There are people out there who are just huge cunts.

As for the rest of the game, most of the people at Fenway didn't really give a shit about the game. I think the Sox title in 2004 took all the venom out of the diehards, and, at the same time, prompted all the bandwagoners to scoop up the tix. The most upset I saw the sox fans get was when one of the guys I was with, at about 10:10, annouced to the crowd that Taylor Hicks had won American Idol. You gotta figure most of the a-holes in the crowd were Tivoing the show at home. It was great to ruin their little reality show night.

And then, after the game, some dame (I don't want to overuse the C-word), was busting my balls because I was from New Jersey. She then told me she was from New Hampshire, and I nearly went ballistic, saying how could you rip NJ when you a from a state that's only famous for some bogus primary ever 4 years. What a C%%#.

Now to hockey. Let me say this, the Whale is alive and well in New England. I wore my Whale
jersey to the Sox game, and got literally dozens of comments. And then, when Manny Ramirez took Scott Proctor over the Monsta, they played Brass Bonanza at Fenway. I thought I was in heaven.

Great win for the Whale last night. I'm gonna say Whale in 6, but could be 7. This Rod Brind'amour could become the ugliest man ever to win the Stanley Cup.

As for the beer count, it skyrocketed since the start of the Fenway trip last week.My estimates are about 18 beers in Boston last Wednesday. Nothing Thursday. On Friday, I'll say about 10. About 5 on Saturday at home. About 8 on Sunday at Monmouth Park, and about 10 on Monday at my buddy's hut.

So that's 51 for the weekend. I think the count coming in was about 120, so let's call the beer count 171 right now.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Dear fans of fishingnotcathcing. Thanks for your patience. I'm just recovering from last week's trip to Fenway and the ensuing Memorial Day weekend hijinks.

I have plenty to report, but right now must focus on tonight's Canes-Sabres Game 7. Once that is out of the way, expext a full Memorial Day weekend post, with topics ranging from the C-word to my new hatred for the Boston Red Sox and their fans.

Look for new info early Friday.

SWANK AND A MISS

It's late Sunday night and I'm emotionally and physically exhausted from this weekend.
Believe it or not, I'm drinking just my third beer since last Friday's shenanigans, but am gearing up for a taste-filled trip Wednesday to Fenway.

Anyway, this weekend I did schtick with a two-time Academy Award winner, was shown on Ch. 7 News and even played the role of a bartender. Here's a breakdown of the weekend.


Head to Shea Stadium Friday for a wild Mets-Yankees game. On the 7 train platform in Times Square, who do I spot but none other than the million dollar baby herself, Hillary Swank. Now, Mrs. Pendleton gets mad because I have a habit of saying someone is a celebrity, but it's really just someone who looks like that celebrity, but I knew immediately it was her.

I sat next to the dude she was with on the Subway, and after arriving at Shea and seeing that she busted out a Mets hat, I figured it was time to do some schtick. Here's how the conversation went:

JP: "I'm a big fan of yours, and I don't want you to think I'm stalking you."
HS: (Uncomfortable smile)
JP: "It's nice to see you are a Mets fan
HS: (A little more comfortable smile)
JP: "I mean, most people from Hollywood are fake Yankee fans."
HS: "WHAT?"
JP: "Seriously, they say they are Yankee fans because it's the cool thing to do."
HS: "Well, how do you know I'm not a fake Mets fan."
JP: "Good point. Well, they need all they help they can get, so it doesn't matter."
HS: Laughs.
JP: "Well, enjoy the game.
HS: "You too."
If it wasn't 7:05 at this point and I couldn't see the Mets taking the field while I was still on the subway platform, I would've done a little more schtick, but it was game time.

Once inside Shea, I have to say it was one of the wildest games I ever saw. And it's not everyday you see a Randy Johnson meltdown, an A-Rod error and Mariano blow it in the same game. It was sweet. Also, the dude I was with has a friend who is a ch. 11 cameraman, so the two of us were shown a few times during the game and they even showed us going crazy after the MEts won - a shot that was repeated on ch. 7 news.

Of course, the euphporia of Friday night was immediately wiped out by the crap that went down Saturday afternoon, but Sunday's Met win made it a nice weekend.

As for the bartender gig, as part of a charity event, I worked in a concession stand Saturday night at the Somerset Patriots (unaffiliated Atlantic League bs baseball) game. I was the beer dude/cashier. Let me tell you, that is friggin hard work. I now know why the normal people take their sweet time. It's because A: They don't give a shit and B: The slower they go, the better the odds of people leaving their line and going somewhere else. It really is hard work. It was fun do to it one night, but if I had to make a living doing it, I would shoot myself.

The highlight of the game is the team the Patriots were playing had a dude named Gary Johnson on the team. Of course, that's the name of the main character in Team America World Police, and everytime that dude was introduced I started laughing my ass off.

One last thing, I was watching Fargo on BRAVO Saturday night and those bastards actually cut a lot of the scene between Marge and Mike Yamagida. They cut his whole "I'm so lonely" shctick. I was pissed.

Anyway, that's old Joe's weekend. I'm now going to pop in Season 5 of 90210 - when Swank played the married mom dating Steve Sanders - and pleasure myself.

THEY SAID YOU WAS HUNG; THEY WAS RIGHT

The beer count made a huge jump Friday night, I'm not exactly sure how many, but it usually takes about 15 to induce vomiting, so let's call it 15.

Yes, Friday night was the first time I heaved due to drinking in quite a long time. Got to say it would be a brutal experience if I wasn't loaded at the time.

Anyway, Saturday morning gave me a good refresher courses in the many different stages of hangover I experience a day after drinking like that. I'm sure everyone's hangover experience is different, but here what usually happens to me.

STAGE ONE: Waking up. The first 10 minutes of the day I'm in pure amazment that I actually feel great and ready to tackle the day. The thought of going for a bike ride or run actually crosses my mind. I just can't believe how great I feel. I can't wait to drink some more tonight.

STAGE TWO (10 minutes later): While I don't have a huge headache, I realize how tired I am. I think I'll just stay in bed.

STAGE 3 (5 minutes later). I think I'm gonna puke again. Man I feel like shit. I'll never drink again.

STATGE 4 (1-2 hours later). After falling back asleeep and waking up, the day actually begins. I'm exhausted, don't feel like eating, and now I'm filled with deep thoughts about how lucky I am to have two great kids, a great wife and live in a nice hut. Then I start thinking about how stupid it is to get drunk and miss out on some moments with the wife and kids.

STAGE 5 (30 minutes later). Paranoia sets in. If I've been out drinking I wonder just how much money I spent, did I go to the MAC machine, if so, how much did I take out. What stupid things did I say, do, try to do. Is my wife pissed at me? Do my neighbors hate me? I can't remember anything.

STAGE 6 (1 HOUR LATER). I have to do something to prove to the wife I can handle this. I get my arse outside, cut the grass or do some sort of chore to show I'm not totally in the tank (which I am).

STAGE 7 (1 HOUR LATER). Extreme tiredness sets in. I want to lay on the couch and watch the Mets. It's a great feeling. I could do this all day, but here comes stage 8

STAGE 8 (1-2 HOURS LATER). EXTREME HORNINESS SETS IN. Not sure what brings it on, but it happens. I get off the couch and find the wife, but she (and I can't blame her) doesn't feel like dropping whatever she's doing to screw a tired, hungover dude who still smells like a brewery. She hints at some nocturnal activity later, and I'm sent back to the couch. Where stage 9 set in.

STAGE 9 (30 minutes later). I fall asleep while watching the Mets or some other sporting event. Problem is, it's like sleeping on plane where you keep waking up and you're not sure exactly how much sleep you are actually getting.

STAGE 10 (1 hour later). Normalcy is returning as is my appetitte. A McDonald's quarter pounder with cheese would be the best meal in this spot, but due to diet and lack of a McDonald's in my back yard, I settle for peanut butter and jelly and some chocolate milk.

STAGE 11 (1 hour later). I'm completely back to my old self. I'm not tired anymore, no paranoia - I'm able to laugh off the entire night before. How do I celebrate? Crack open a cold one.

There you have it.

Some other notes:

-- Speaking of celebrating, good riddance to Marty Brodeur and the douchebag Devils. You know it's the mark of a team on the decline when a division championship team that was talking about the Stanley Cup just a week ago can take it's only solace in the fact that it swept an injury-riddled team in the first round.

-- When the Canes win the Cup, I want two things. I want them to take that damn cup and parade it through the streets of Hartford for the loyal Whale fans. Then, I want Peter Laviolette to take it to Mike Modano's house and knock him over the head with it.

-- Mark you calendar. Friday, June 9: The great Allen Oldies Band will be playing Maxwell's in Hoboken. In a May show there last year, they played from 10 p.m.-3:30 a.m. WITHOUT TAKING A BREAK. If you are free that night, you must go.

That's all for now.

ROWDY RODDY

Well, it seems the geniuses in Hollywood have done it again - they've remade another one of my favorite movies starring Roddy McDowall.

First, they tried with Planet of the Apes and the result may have been the biggest piece of shiite ever to hit the big screen.

And now, they are trying it again with Poseidon.

In case you haven't seen the orginal Poseidon Adventure (what the hell is wrong with you if you haven't), the great McDowall plays Acres, a ship steward, who comes up with the great idea of helping Gene Hackman out by telling him to climb the upside down X-Mas tree. Of course, poor Acres buys it about 20 minutes later when he falls "down" the big steam pipe on the ship, but his performance is one you will never forget.

Anyway, these clowns in Hollywood have to leave the work of the late great McDowall alone.

I swear if a new Batman movie comes out with someone playing the Bookworm, I may lose my friggin mind.

What's next, a remake of That Darn Cat?

One more Hollywood note: How great is it that Tom Cruise's latest movie is becoming a box office flop. It just goes to show you how much influence religion has in this country. Think about it, the religious right got Bush re-elected and now it is helping ruin the career of a dude who took a nice Catholic girl, knocked her up and turned her into an alien-fearing lunatic.
You stay classy, America.

Som other notes:
Nice work from D.J. Star in threatening the 4-year-old daughter of a DJ at another station on the air. Class move, pal. While it's clear the dude should've been fired and jailed, the real story is the feeding frenzy for Howard Stern's listeners who haven't gotten Sirius yet. I mean, Free FM (lamest name ever for a radio statio) has brought on O & A-hole to Stern's spot. Well you know what boys in terrestial radio, it's not going to work. If people (like me) miss Stern that much, they will get Sirius. If they aren't ready to shell out $13 a month for it, they will likely just put on their I-pods and listen to music instead of some cheap Stern ripoff.

I have to say, if you are a Stern fan and haven't gotten Sirius, you are missing out. He goes about 50 minutes without a commerical, and when he breaks, it's about 2-3 minutes tops. It's friggin hilarious, his best work since Butt Bongo Fiesta.

One last note: If you haven't seen the Aaron Rowand catch from last night, make sure you do. That dude could play for my squad any day.

That's it for now.

PS: Mark your calendars for June 9. That's when the Allen Oldies Band will play Maxwell's in Hoboken. The link to their site is on the left.

PPS: This post is more of a public service to Jersey Girl, who wanted to Star Jones picture removed. This is the best I can do.

DOES THIS MAKE YOU HORNY?

A few notes from over the weekend.

First, as you'll all notice, I've dumped the black backround. I hope all you whiny bitches out there are happy about this.

Second: The beer count hit triple digits on Saturday (105). As predicted, I banged down many a free taste at the First Communion party on Saturday. I then returned home and had several more freebies on my next door neighbor. I closed out the night with some chinese food. Needless to say, Sunday morning I was the perfect picture of stench.

As for Sunday morning, I played softball for the second straight Sunday. Problem is I didn't properly stretch before hand and therefor my thighs now feel as I just had a 45-minute lap dance from Star Jones. Talk about Stench.

One last thing for all you hockey fans out there. CHeck out this link. http://www.2khockey.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=7762&st=0/

It's an audio file of every NHL goal horn.
Needless to say after Saturday's festivities, the Pendleton children are quite sick of the Hurricanes horn, since it felt as if it were on a continuous loop. I warned them, there is more to come.

I had the Springsteen CD in my hand last Tuesday at Best Buy (I was there to pick up Pearl Jam's latest album - which I must say is pretty damn good), but put it back. I'm going to by my second CD in a week (and the last 10 years) this Tuesday, when the Flea and Boys' latest realease - Stadium Arcadium - hits the shelves. I must say I was really set to buy the Bruce CD this week, but I saw in the Best Buy circular there is a now 2-DVD Poseidon Adventure set out. I already own the original, but if this one has even 10 seconds of Roddy McDowell comentary, consider it bought.

As for Bruce, shame on him for charging $92 face value for tix at the PNC Bank Arts Center. At least the seats where you could sit in the rain and watch the show on a video screen are only $50. Not suprisinly, all the lemmings the Garden State have already scooped up the tickets. I'm telling ya, as a goof, the dude should do a show where he just sits on a couch and watches TV for two hours and see how many people pay out their ass to see that.

Last thing, another great website to check out is www.jerseycitysnakes.com

BACK IN BLACK

To celebrate the 10-year anniversary of fishingnotcatching.blogspot.com, we've changed the look a little bit. I hope you like it.

A few things:

I just stopped at my local Quick Chek to pick up some milk. On my way out, these two skanky broads were arguing about something or other. As one of the dames walked away, the other dame - with me standing about 3 feet from her - yells at the top of her lungs "I'M THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS TOWN WHO DIDN'T GET LAID TONIGHT AND I'M FUCKING HORNY."

After hearing this, I quickly realized I had three options.
1. Make some sort of wisecrack about how it's quite understandable no dude would ever consider slipping her the bone.

2. Offer her a spot in my backseat to make sure everyone in town has gotten some.

3. Get in my car, lock the doors and get the fuck out of there.

Of course, I chose 2 (just kidding). I really wanted to go with No. 1, never considered No. 2, but chose door No. 3 and got the fuck out of there.

As I sit here typing this, I realize that I've been wrong all my life.

You see, I've always lived with the belief that any dame (hot or ugly, fat or smelly) could have sex whenever she wanted. For every ugly dame out there, there is an even hornier, more shamless dude. But seeing that this dame, who clearly had no reservations proclaiming not only her horniness, but her absolute desire to act on it, couldn't get any standing in front of a convenience store at 3 a.m., I realized that premise was incorrect.

You learn something new everyday.

Onto the next subject: Thinking about my beer count this week and targeting specific high-volume dates, I realized May could drive the count well over 150 (it's about 98 right now).

Here are the dates:
Today, May 3: I'm off from work and am planning a nice night in front of the TV watching Mets-Pirates and then Flames-Ducks. Predicited amount: 6 tastes.

Saturday, May 6: Going to a first communion party during the day, hockey playoffs at night. Predicted amount: 10 tastes.

Skip ahead to Weds, May 25: Me and three friends are heading to Fenway for Yankees-red Sox. We plan on arriving in Beantown around 1:30 p.m. for the 7 p.m. start and head back to Jersey on Thursday morning. 1 t hing to remember, our hotel is within walking distance of the Fens. (Predicited amount: 25 tastes: Figure about 10-12 before the game, 2-3 during the game, 8 postgame).

Friday, May 27: The National Holiday known as Saw Mill Day. Back in the day, me and two friends would head down the Saw Mill on the wonderful Seaside Heights boardwalk and drink Mickey Big Mouths all day to kick off Memorial Day Weekend. Now, it's a few friends in my backyard playing Wiffle ball for a few hours and drinking (Predicted amount: 10 beers).

Sunday, May 29: My wife's brother's brother in law rents one of those picnic boxes at Monmouth Park and provides us with free food and tastes all day (Predicted amount: 10 beers)

Monday, May 30: Memorial Day. My kids enjoy heading to lovely Somerville New Jersey for a bike racing event called the Tour of Somerville. I believe you can drink in public this day, but I will keep the count down since I have to return to work on Tuesday (Predicted amount: 4 beers).

So that's about 65 and that's not including random tastes with the neighbors on the weekends. I'll keep everyone posted.

again, I hope you like the new look and go Whalers.

AN OPEN LETTER TO BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

Beer count: 90

Dear Boss:

You know I'm one of your biggest fans. I have most of your CDS - even the Ghost of Tom Joad. I plunked down $40 this year for a digitally remastered copy of Born to Run (don't tell anyone, but I sounds exactly the same) and I've seen in you in concert several times, dating back to my first show in June of 1984.

I'm proud to call myself a New Jerseyan mostly because of you (and Rutgers University) and even own High Fidelity on DVD just because of your 45-second cameo in that fine film.

Yes, I've supported you your entire career. That is, until now.

After taking a quick listen on the web to your latest project (We Shall Overcome: The Pete Seeger Sessions), I have one question? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?

First of all, what is this "We" shit. What exactly do you have to overcome? Is is the guilt of charging your fans $100 to see you practice this crap live, or is it just the realization that since Tunnel of Love, you've pretty much been a non-factor when it comes to popular music?

Second of all, if I want to hear some dude singing Cumbaya with a jug band behind him, I'll go to the backwoods of Kentucky and do it, or go see The Country Bear Jamboree at Disneyworld, not buy one of your albums.

Listen, I understand your need to let the rest of the E Street Band know who's Boss every once in a while by freezing them out, but this is enough. You made your point with that Lucky Town/Human Touch crap and reinforced it with Tom Joad. They get the point. They need you, you don't need them. But you know what, your fans need them.

Now I'm not talking about your disciples. You know the ones who will see you in concert every night of their lives and would buy a 25-disc set of you taking a shit.

No, I'm talking about the fans who will go see you once or twice during a tour and purchase most of your albums. It's almost as if you are testing their faith and loyalty with crap like this.

Or is it something else? Is is because you know even your E Street Band stuff isn't up to par with the music from the good old days, so you put out these crap albums, leave your fans starved for good some old rock and roll, and when you finally release it, they love it?

I mean let's face it, one it's own "The Rising" is a cliched bore, but when you put it up with the albums that preceeded it, it's a rock classic.

Now I do appreciate you trying to spread the good works of Pete Seeger to the masses, but just promise me this is it. Promise me next summer, you'll release another E Street Band album and play 8 nights at Giants Stadium. You see, I don't get many excuses to get loaded in a huge parking lot anymore, so please do me this one favor.

I hope you don't take offense to this letter, rather I hope you read it and do the right thing and give me more songs about cars and chicks and living at the beach. It's what your fans want, it's what the E Street Band wants, and deep down, it's what you want. Bruce, maybe We Shall Overcome.

Love,
Joe Pendleton

THE PLAYOFF BEARD

Beer count around 80ish.

In honor of two historic occassions: The birth of Suri Cruise and the Rangers making the playoffs, I have decided to grow the playoff beard.

In case you don't know what that means, basically, many hockey players believe it is back luck to shave during the playoffs, so therefore most of them shave the morning of Game 1 and don't pick up a razor again until they are eliminated or win the Stanley Cup. I therefore, will shave Saturday morning and won't do it again until the Rangers are bounced, so there is a chance I'll only have about 6-days growth before I have to shave again.

As for the Cruise angle. It's obvious, Katie Holmes is the biggest beard going, so she works into this too.

As for my Devils-Rangers breakdown - in a total grasping at straws move - I believe the Devils HAVE to cool down a bit and the Rangers have to get hot. We'll see. Maybe Marty Brodeur's sister-in-law will wear him down. Hey, anything's possible.

Anyway, no matter what the Rangers or Devils do, I predict a Carolina-Calgary Stanley Cup Final, with the stinky Whale winning the whole thing.

THE CHRONICLES OF PENDLETON: THE JAGR, THE STRIPPER AND THE JACKET

It finally dawned on me why the New York Rangers haven't won the Stanley Cup since 1994.
No, it has nothing to do with Garden mismanagement, Bryan Trottier and Glen Sather, rather it has everything to with a satin jacket, a once-exhuberant 29-year-old man and an anonymous stripper from Sayreville.

Intrigued? Good.

Here's the story: Way back in December of 1994, Joe Pendleton (the 29-year-old at the time still basking in the Stanley Cup win 6 months earlier) and cronies from a now-defunct NJ newspaper went to Bourbon Street in Sayreville for a little celebration. Pendleton, who was just turning 29 and was full of Ranger pride, wore his Starter blue satin Ranger jacket to the fine establishment.

After a few tastes and a few dollar bills were "dipped" a certain "very vocal" friend of Mr. Pendleton got the idea that the ideal birthday present would be the "entertainer" at the establishment wearing the Ranger jacket on stage. It sounded good to old Joe.

So the friend called the girl over, "whispered" in her ear and before Joe knew it, the jacket was off his back and flying toward the stage. Now, back in the old days at the girls liked to bend the "non-topless rules" a bit. This one, however, decided every dress code rule would be broken this evening.

Seconds after the jacket hit the stage, the dancer was wearing it - and nothing else. Needless to say, even Devil fans in the place celebrated this move. Dollar bills flew like tickertape in the canyon of heroes.

Soon after the jacket was returned and Pendleton headed to his Franklin Twp. apartment. However, as he got closer to home, Mr. Pendleton realized that his jacket had the distict powdery smell every classy dancer in NJ seems to possess. So Pendleton, fearing the wrath of Mrs. Pendleton, secretly put the jacket in the back of his closet and never brought it out again.

A few years later, the Pendletons would move, and the jacket made the move, too, but - amazingly - still featuring a hint of the smell, the jacket was once again relegated to the back of the closet. Coincidentally or not, since the Jacket has been hidden away, the Rangers have gone completely cupless.

Fast forward to today (April 17, 2006). Joe Pendleton, while doing some spring cleaning in his closet, finds the jacket, and, in an attempt to change the struggling Blueshirts' fortunes, moves it to a more prominent spot in the closet. He's ever considering wearing the throwback jacket Friday night, when the Atlantic-Division champion Rangers take on the Flyers or Devils. Needless to say, with the jacket back in circulation, the Cup will once again be delivered to Madison Square Garden.

Now, if he can only get the BO stains that were put on his Met jacket in Nov. of 1986 by some smelly whore in Newark, maybe Shea Stadium will rock again.

LET'S GO RANGERS

RANT MUSIC

Ok, it's been a while. The beer count is around 75. Something about the warm weather makes we want to bang down tastes. Anyway, t0 get a better idea of what goes on between my ears, here are a few random thoughts from the mind of Joe Pendleton.

1. I used to think the easiest job in America was hosting America's Funniest Videos. Seriously, all you have to do is do schtick at about 10 seconds at a time in between clips of dudes getting hit in the balls. Now, my kids watch this show on syndication - it's constantly on WGN - and they love the current dude Tom Bergeron. Again, I used to think it was a cake job, but recently WGN has been showing the season with Daisy Fuentes and John Fugelsang and let me tell you, those two fucking suck huge ass. Daisy Fuentes - who, back in the day, was grossly overrated looks wise, but was a pioneer in the Latin whore phenomenon, could be the worst "talent" ever on TV. If you get a chance watch the show, it's on WGN at 7 p.m. every night just to see how God awful she is. It's painful.

See, I told you a trip into my lid may not be pretty.

2. I went to a Little League game the other day to catch the neighbor's kid in action, and I have to say I came away disgusted and vocally wondering what's happened to this country. First of all, there is no smoking allowed anywhere on the complex. I mean, tobacco and baseball go together like football and beer. What the fuck? Since, I don't smoke, I really don't care, but then the game starts, the first kid comes to bat and there's complete silence. No 'Hey, batter, batter, swiiiiiiiiing batter chants." No 'WE want a pithcer, not a belly itcher" chant from the batting team's dugout. I mean, is this world so fucking politically correct that the other team can't try to induce the other kid to swing at shitty pitches - which, by the way, is all they see? These kids are gonna watch Ferris Bueller a few years from now and not know what the hell he's saying during that scene in Wrigley. And then they have a rule that a team can only score 3 runs in an inning. ONce they get to 3 runs, the inning is over. The KC Royals should implement that rule. Of course, no tastes anywhere. Somewhere, Morris Buttermaker is spinning in his grave.

3. Since I mentioned smoking, two things. This commercial they run duing the Mets games about a dude with cancer telling people to quit smoking is the most powerful ad I've ever scene. If I did smoke, I'd stop or go broke. And finally, a big shout out to Dick Cody for getting the NJ smoking ban passed, a ban that goes into effect on April 14. For all of you who smoke out there, I'm know it's an inconvenience to go outside and smoke, but it's a bigger inconvenience for non-smokers to smell like shit for three days after going to a bar. With clear skies in local bowling alleys, I can see scores going up all over the state.

4. He's only been a Yankee for about a week, Johnny Damon has moved ahead of Derek Jeter and A-Rod on my most-hated list. For a man who a year ago said he would never play with the Yanks, you get the impression now that he goes home every night and tosses off on his pinstripes. He almost makes A-Rod seem sincere. Since we are talking baseball right now, a quesiton for you Yankee fans: If Omar calls Brian Cashman tomorrow and offers D. Wright for A-rod, striaght up, do you do it? From a Met standpoint, I say no fucking way.

For all of you people out there trying to figure out a way to entertain young children, Ice Age 2 the Meltdown was quite entertaining. Of course, I saw it at the theatre in Dunellen, NJ in which they bring pizza and beer to your seats, so that didn't hurt either.

Happy Easter and Happy (is that the right word?) Passover to everyone out there.

RADIO DAZE

Since everyone is fired up over my post over the Wagner/Mo controversy created by two certain clowns in NY, my thought was we come up with a new entrance song for them.

So here are a few of my suggestions and then you guys can add your own. These are in no particular order:

1. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - The Hollies.

2. American Idiot - Green Day

3. Eat It - Weird Al Yankovick

4. Out of Touch - Hall and Oates

5. Bitch - The Rolling Stones

6. Girls Talk - Dave Edmunds

7. Wedding Bell Blues (Which features the lyrics "I wanna marry you Bill") referring to a certain Dallas Cowboy Coach.

8. Guerrilla Radio - Rage Against The Machine

9. I hate the Mets - Some Dopey Yankee fan

10. The Sounds of Silence - Simon and Garfunkle

ENTER FATMAN

Baseball season is here and New York already has its first baseball controversy.

In case you don't live in New York or just have the common sense not to spend your day listening to the two arrogant a-holes on New York's sports leader, you may have missed the two of them ripping new Met closer Billy Wagner for having "Enter Sandman" played when he came into the game in the ninth inning today. Their reasoning is, the song belongs to Mariano Rivera and therefore Wagner - despite the fact that it has been his theme song for several years - should literally change his tune. Of course, the two radio hosts - both Met haters and Met fan agitators - are completely wrong again, and here's why.

1. I guarantee, GUARANTEE, that Billy Wagner actually picked the song for himself, while Mo didn't. Think about it, Wagner is a white dude from West Virginia, and Mariano is from Panama. Who do you think actually likes Metallica? Honestly, what are the chances some dude working the Yankee Stadium PA system picked that out for Rivera and what are the chances that Wagner actually heard the song on the radio and said "that sounds like a good song for me."

2. Wagner has been a closer since 1996. Rivera started in 1997. The song came out in 1996. Therefore, chances are they both have been using the song the same amount of time or Wagner actually adopted it first.

3. Last time i checked the Metallica black album, there are no writing or publishing credits for a M. Rivera on the album. He has no more friggin rights the song than Wagner does. F him.

4. Yankee fans honestly believe they not only invented baseball, but they, because they root for a team who's payroll is twice of it's nearest competitior, think they carry more clout in the sport. Well, f them, too. I think the fact that Wagner plays the song infuriates them is the No. 1 reason to keep playing it. Hell, the Mets should crank it when Anderson Hernandez comes to bat.

5. What are the Mets supposed to do? Tell their $13 million closer that "We really like you, but we don't want to offend the greatest franchise in sports, so you have to change your song." And what is Wagner supposed to do? Change his song because it may offend some dopey guido in the Bronx who couldn't spell Metallica if his sorry life depended on it.

In closing, F the Yankees, F Mike and the Mad Dog and F Metallica (the song is overrated anyway). Rock on William Wagner.

NEIGHBOR-HOODS

Beer count: I'm gonna say it's up to about 48. I had 4 the other night in the city while attneding a fund-raiser (they got no funds out of me, though) and had about 8-9 at the Big St. Paddy's Day party on Saturday.

Either I'm getting older, or I'm just a drunk or I have no life (or all of the above), but that damn party is one of my favorite days of the year. The dude who runs it has a great party house if you have kids. He has this downstairs room where they pretty much entertain themselves for hours while the parents stay upstairs, drinking, eating, golfing and watching hoops.

Now, I did get ripped by a guest at the party and the dude was absolutely right. I arrived wearing my Guiness pants and a Guiness hooded sweatshirt. However, I wasn't in the mood to drink the stuff, so I was pretty much drinking Miller Lite all night. Some dude called me on it, pretty much saying how could a walking Guinness ad drink Miller Lite. I realized he was right, so I had 1 Guinness and then stopped drinking. Awful job by me.

SPeaking of hooded sweatshirts, I have a piece of advice for anyone out there. If you spend a lot of time at work on the phone, don't wear a hooded sweatshirt. It becomes a real pain in the ass, especially if you have one of those neck things on your phone that prevents Frezzaitis. Of course, on Sundays, I usually bust out the hoody and get easily frustrated.

Now, picking up my homeowners rant from the last post, I just spent $150 today on lawn care stuff and can estimate at least another $150 to go before I can spend 8 hours Saturday and 8 hours Sunday trying to make my grass look good. Of course, no matter how hard I work and how much I spend, it will look good until about mid-July, when New Jersey becomes a dry, barren wasteland and all grass turns to hay. I'm thinking of having the cement dude just pave over the whole yard and can build a hoop court in the backyard.

Anyway, Opening Day just 7 days away, but as long as the Rangers are in the hunt for the Cup, I'm not too fired up for baseball, yet.

PRESSING YOUR LUCK

From the huge-story-of-the-week-that-completely-slipped-under-the-radar file, did anyone see last week that former "Press Your Luck" host Peter Tamarkan was killed in a small plane crash last week. It happens. However, Tamarkan and his wife - who was also killed - were on their way to pick up a cancer patient and fly him to a special clinic as part of a charity deal.
Can you fucking believe that? Not only does that suck for Tamarkan and his dame, imagine how the cancer dude feels? Talk about being jinxed. I guess all three of them got the ultimate whammy.

A few other thoughts:

If you don't own a house, don't start now. I just wrote a check for 2Gs for a new sidewalk. A sidwalk. It's not something me and family can enjoy on a hot summer afternoon or I can show off to friends and family.

I had to get it done because my old sidewalk was cracked and at parts, uneven. Basically it was a risk in case some kid wiped out on his scooter and his money-grubbing parents decided to cash in. Don't laugh. A few years ago in my neighborhood, some kid got hit in the mouth with a Wiffle ball bat (that's right a Wiffle ball bat), in the backyard of a friend. Now get this, it wasn't even the yard of the kid who swung the bat, so the parents of the kid who got hit with the bat sued the homeowner's insurance company of the people who's yard it happened in and that of the people who's kid did the swinging. I assume they won since the dude hardly works yet owns a brand-new SUV and just installed a huge above-ground pool in his yard. What a great country we live in.

Speaking of our great county, nothing makes me more irate than when the AP moves a Top 5 list of the top songs, TV shows and DVD rentals in this fine land. First, the TV. Every week, American Idol is No. 1 and No. 2. HOw can this be? Are Americans that dumb that they have to watch some English dude rip wannabe stars two nights a week. Doesn't anyone read anymore?

Then, there the song lists. I don't recognize any of the songs and/or artists and it's not because I'm old, it's because I don't listen to Hot97. Honestly, I know 80's pop music - for the most part - is pure shit, but damn, it's better than this crap being put out these days. I mean, I'll take Karma Chameleon any day of the week over this crap.

As for movies/DVDs. It's scary how many kids movies and DVDs rule the roost. It's pretty much because parents would rather have Spongebob and Barbie babysit their kids (I'd love to have Barbie babysit my kids, by the way, HEY NOW) instead of watching them themselves. By the way, as I type this, my kid is on Hour 3 of Dora the Explorer.

Anyway, a few rants after giving a big check to dude for putting concrete all over my front yard.

Happy Spring to all.

WHO DOES NO. 2 WORK FOR?

Beer Count: I'm estimating it's about 30-35 right now after a wild St. Paddy's day.

It started out kinda slow, first taste around 2:30 on Friday. About 11 hours later, I was cooked. So cooked, that when I woke up Saturday morning, I immediately remembered why I quit drinking in the first place.

First of all, I felt like complete crap. Speaking of crap, let's just say the Guinness that exited my arse Saturday morning looked exactly like the Guinness I was pouring down my throat Friday night. Same color, consistency, stench.

And then, about 2 hours later, I was trying to cut down a big bush in my first yard and I swear I almost passed out.

As for Friday night, my buddy Gerry and I hit the local Irish bar in town. Things were going pretty well, when - on about my 9th Smithwicks, I started yapping with some tired broad and she brought up how much she loved the Yankees. Now, I can spot a fake yankee fan a mile away, and she was one. Of course, in my drunken state, I had to make her prove what a great Yankee fan she was, and therefore put her to the test.

Question 1: What is Derek Jeter's number?

Her answer: Complete silence.

Now, had I been completely sober, I would've ripped her a new one. So, needless to say, I friggin hammered her. About 45 minutes later, she was telling me to f--c off and so on and so forth. I was quite proud of myself.

On the way home from the bar, another friend informed me that not only was the dame a psychopath, but she is the person who is in charge of hot lunches at my daughter's school, and I should be prepared to make a lot of PB&Js the rest of her grammar school career.

So with that guilt on my aching head Saturday morning, I swore I was giving up drinking for a long time. The problem is, I have a big St. Paddy's Day party to attend this Saturday. It will be a real test. My goal is to not have a drink until Memorial Day weekend, but that could all go to hell around 3:30 p.m. this Saturday.

Stay tuned for more details.

IMITATION OSCAR

Beer count: 14

After watching last night's Oscars, I realized two things.
1. I'm so glad I don't go to the movies that much anymore, because if Crash is the best movie of last year, I'm not missing anything.

2. The best actor/actress category has to be refined.
This second one comes from my friend Joe, who brought up a great point last night. He says people who portray famous people in a movie shouldn't be eligible for an Oscar. And you know what, he's right. I mean, Reese Witherspoon and Phil Hoffman did a nice job, but really all they are doing is imitating someone famous. All they had to prepare for their role was watch film of the person and do whatever they did. Piece of cake. I mean, Jim Carrey had to come up with character of Lloyd Christmas all by himself. All HOffman did was imitate Capote. I'm sure somewhere Rich Little is kicking himself somewhere, realizing he could've won about 100 Oscars in his prime.
Plus, if you play someone famous, and do it well, most movie-goers are blown away by your performance because they have a point of reference to judge your performance against.

Now, back to Crash. If you haven't seen it - DON'T. Ir you really want to, don't read on. If you have seen it, my biggest complaint is the movie is too far-fetched. I mean, of the thousands of cops running around L.A., how it is that Matt Dillon pulls over a dame one night and the next day, he's the first cop on call when she's involved in an accident. And for Ryan Witherspoon, the same thing happens to him. I mean, that wouldn't happen in a town of 15,000 people, let alone L.A. It was too forced, too coincidental. I think Oscar voters would rather come off as homophobic than racist and that's why this flick won instead of Brokeback.

To me, the best movie of last year was "Batman Begins" but that's just me.

THREE FOR THE ROAD

Well, ask and unfortunately, you shall recieve.

Just a few hours ago, in a post dedicated to Don Knotts and Darin McGaven, I wondered who the 3rd celeb to die would be.

As it turns out, Mr. Dennis "McCloud" Weaver, has also checked out. Not only did all three die on Friday, all three's first name began with a 'D'. Freaky, eh?

Not only was Weaver the star of McCloud and Gunsmoke, he also starred in Steven Speilberg's first ever movie - a little TV film called Duel.

Anyway, adios Don, adios Dennis, adios Darren.

By the way, in between the last post and this one, I had a beer. It was my first beer in about a week and just No. 14 on the year. I have to tell you, for the first time, I really, thoroughly enjoyed it. Usually, I drink beer just to drink, but this one - a Miller Lite - in a nice glass, was quite refreshing.

ADIOS, MR. LIMPETT

Beer count still at 13, but after this weekend's celebrity deaths, It could very well rise.

First Don Knotts goes out on Friday. While most folks in their 30s will remember his as Mr. Furley from Three's Company, I remember him from the film the "Incredible Mr. Limpett." It's a story where a dude becomes a fish. Don't remember anything else, but I remember that. Of course, Knotts will be remembered for his role as Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith show. Also, he starred in the greatest disney movie ever - Gus. It's a film about a field-goal kicking donkey.

As Barney, he was the original 40-year-old virgin, though I hear in real life old Donny boy was quite the stud. Three's Company was more likely a title of a show abuot life in his trailer.

Then, on Saturday, Darren McGaven checks out. Most remember him as the dad in an X-mas Story, but I remember him most as the dude on the Night Stalker show.
Funny thing I never watched that show, because the commercials themselves scared the hell out of me. By the way, if you've ever wondered what happened to Ralphie, that's him above Knotts. As you can, I haven't figured out hte photo deal yet.

Now, we all sit and wait for No. 3 to go out. I wonder who it will be.

If you get a second check out this website www.metallagher.com


Last thing. A new feature on FNC will be a mystery photo. Please tell me who this former child star is on the very top.

WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND

A few notes from the Presidents Holiday Weekend.

1. Beer count upped to 13 (read below for details).

2. I did get some news about a huge bump in the beer count. My buddy Steve won a ticket lottery and now has 4 ticks to Yanks-Red Sox at Fenway on May 24 (a wednesday). The big trouble is, it's a likely 5 p.m. start, which means I roll out of the ballpark around 8:30 in Beantown. Look for a double-digit intake that night.

3. My goal is now to not have another beer until St. Paddy's day, where there's little doubt, the beer count can double (from 13 t0 26).

4. I did realize Saturday night that people are generally stupid. My wife and I went to see Martina McBride at Radio City. Let me say, I'm not a country music cat, but she put on a great show and she's quite easy on the eyes. Anyway, they were selling about 8 oz. Martina Rita's at the show for $10 each. I saw hundreds about people drinking these things - at $10 a pop. I really wanted one, but refused because A: I wouldn't pay $10 for any drink unless it included a lap dance from McBride, 2: I wouldn't pay $10 for a drink where most of the money was going into Dolan's pockets and 3: I'm a cheap bastard, I mean, I generally refuse to pay overinflated prices at a concert (sorry, but $35 for a t-shirt that will last 2-3 trips to the washing machine, is a little too much).

5. NASCAR is a joke. Listen, I know millions of people are into it, but this rule that a race can end under a caution flag is a friggin joke. Imagine a baseball game where some dude on the bench for one of the teams gets hurt and they end the game right there. I can't imagine watching cars driving in circles for 3 hours only to have it end like that.

6. If the NHL allows its players to participate in the next Olympics, they need to impliment some sort of system where players can be disciplined for shit that goes on over there. Of course you know I'm whining about that hit on Jagr the other day. If Rutuu had done that in the NHL, he would be suspended at least 2-3 games. However, since he did it at the Olympics, nothing happened to the dude. So, if Todd Bertuzzi takes a stick to someone else's head, he could be suspsended for a few olympic games, but then skate right back into action when the NHL season resumes. Something's not right there.

7. Speaking of the Olympics, I'm red, white and blue as they come, but it dawned on me watching Team USA's game Sunday vs. Sweeden that I pretty much hate every dude on Team USA (except for Chelios, who I met once and was really cool.) Besides that, the rest of them are a-holes I always root against. Maybe if Leetch was there, I'd be more fired up.

8. With Ash Wednesday coming this week, I'm trying to think of something to give up. The problem is, all my vices (beer, soda, fast food, sweets) have already been given up. Maybe I'm cease ripping folks for a 40 days, but we'll see. If you have any suggestions, let me know.

That's all for now.

Love, Joe.

BREAKING NEWS

Beer count skyrockets to



13.

OK, so it's just one beer, but it's my first since Jan. 2. It was Miller Lite draft at ---- a movie theatre.

In wonderful downtown Dunellen, there's a movie theatre that has a bar attached to it. You can order pizza or whatever ever food they sell at the bar and they deliver it to your table - that's right, your table.

Me, the Mrs and kids went to see Curious George and that's where I had the taste.

If you have kids or just enjoy getting loaded at a kid's movie, this joint is for you.

Don't expect Dolby sound or anything like that, but at $6 a ticket ($4 for kids), it's worth it.

THey even have a deal where you get two tickets, a pizza and a pitcher of beer for $22.

Stay tuned for other beer count updates, but don't hold your breath.