I just got done watching Herbie Fully Loaded with my kids and I gotta say that Linsday Lohan is quite a looker. I think I may have to purchase this film and encourage my kids to watch it over and over again.
However, the film features an actor, who I must say, has no talent, and pretty much no pulse whatsoever, yet he keeps getting tons of work. I'm talking, of course, about the bland Brecken Meyer.
As much as Tom Cruise infuriates me, at least the cat has talent. This Brecken Meyer kid has nothing. NOTHING. He's as interesting as a dead fly (even that's a stretch).
I used to find the fact that this cat keeps getting work more baffling than the fact that someone keeps greenlighting Rob Schneider movies. BUt then it dawned on me. The Meyer kid is damn smart.
While the Joacquin Phoenixes and Russ Crowes of the world keep going for this intense, acting-challening parts, this Meyer kid keeps taking the dull, white guy role.
Think about it (Road Trip, Rat Race, Herbie). He's the same guy - HIMSELF. Even his character on Inside Schwartz was the same - a non-interesting white guy.
He tried a little acting in Clueless (he was the stoner dude), but after that he learned to not try so hard.
I used to think he was a dope, but he's actually a genius. He'll work forever in Hollywood just being a big white blah. I see he's also staring in Garfield 2 as Jon. If there's a more dull, white dude than Garfield's owner, I can't find him. It's the role Meyer was born to play.
Friday, October 28, 2005
COME OUT AND PLAY
Well, it was certainly a big week for c-list celebrities coming out of the closet.
First, Sheryl Swoopes admitted on Wednesday she was a lesbian. Funny how it coincided with her signing an endorsement deal with a lesbian cruise line, but anyway, is anyone really shocked? I mean, I think WNBA players should hold a press conference to announce they are straight.
And then yesterday, George Takei (aka Mr. Sulu) announced he was gay. Again, who cares. I didn't even know the dude was still alive.
Anyway, we all know when it comes to celebs, things come in threes. So we can only guess another famous person not too many people care about will come out this week. Here are some guesses with odds
1. Katie Holmes (20-1) It will turn out, after all these years, that Tom Cruise is really her beard, instead of the other way around. And before you bring up her impending pregnancy, remember, Swoopes has an 8-year-old son
2. Ed Asner. (40-1) If you look closely, he was checking out Murray all those years ago. It's possible, but not probable.
3. Leonard Nimoy (50-1). Man, that must've been some trip through space. I hear he had a pointy-ear fetish. The Vulcan death pinch was his version of the date-rape drug.
4. The father from the family guy (2-1). Could be the most overrated show in TV history, but it certainly appears as if the dude has a set of nuts on his chin every moment of the day.
5. Bugs Bunny (6-1). Seemed he was dressing up like a lady an awfully lot.
This of course is all in jest, but really, who gives a sh-t what these people do? If you found out tomorrow Michael Jordan was gay (just using this as an example) would it diminish what he did on the basketball court? Of course not? So again, who CARES.
This, of course, is not a prelude to me coming out, but just my thoughts on how screwed up this country is when it comes to people's personal lives.
By the way, if you're wondering why I'm linking all these photos it's because - for some reason -I can't paste them on here anymore.
First, Sheryl Swoopes admitted on Wednesday she was a lesbian. Funny how it coincided with her signing an endorsement deal with a lesbian cruise line, but anyway, is anyone really shocked? I mean, I think WNBA players should hold a press conference to announce they are straight.
And then yesterday, George Takei (aka Mr. Sulu) announced he was gay. Again, who cares. I didn't even know the dude was still alive.
Anyway, we all know when it comes to celebs, things come in threes. So we can only guess another famous person not too many people care about will come out this week. Here are some guesses with odds
1. Katie Holmes (20-1) It will turn out, after all these years, that Tom Cruise is really her beard, instead of the other way around. And before you bring up her impending pregnancy, remember, Swoopes has an 8-year-old son
2. Ed Asner. (40-1) If you look closely, he was checking out Murray all those years ago. It's possible, but not probable.
3. Leonard Nimoy (50-1). Man, that must've been some trip through space. I hear he had a pointy-ear fetish. The Vulcan death pinch was his version of the date-rape drug.
4. The father from the family guy (2-1). Could be the most overrated show in TV history, but it certainly appears as if the dude has a set of nuts on his chin every moment of the day.
5. Bugs Bunny (6-1). Seemed he was dressing up like a lady an awfully lot.
This of course is all in jest, but really, who gives a sh-t what these people do? If you found out tomorrow Michael Jordan was gay (just using this as an example) would it diminish what he did on the basketball court? Of course not? So again, who CARES.
This, of course, is not a prelude to me coming out, but just my thoughts on how screwed up this country is when it comes to people's personal lives.
By the way, if you're wondering why I'm linking all these photos it's because - for some reason -I can't paste them on here anymore.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
DRINK OR TREAT
Well, Halloweeen is just about upon us and I have to say, even in my adult stage, it's still one of my favorite holidays.
First of all, having kids, they get you pumped up for it because they are so nuts about it.
Second of all, having plenty of ice cold Pabst Blue Ribbon on hand is also a big help.
Basically, me and my neighbors take the kids around and we usually bring along a wagon (We say it's to pull the kids) that we fill with about 24 cold ones. The cup holder in the baby stroller also helps.
Anyway, there's nothing like downing a cold one while watching people you don't know give your kids free candy. It's great.
Now with the holiday season upon us, I'm gonna rank my favorite holidays, with some comments.
Here goes:
1. Christmas: Still the best. Sure, shopping is a pain in the arse, but the internet is huge help. It's also a threat you can hold over the kids' heads for a few weeks. You know "Remember, Santa's watching, so you better be good."
2. Thanksgiving: Nothing like getting drunk & Watching football without leaving the house. Also, for some reason, it's the one day the wife doesn't give you any crap for being a lazy bum. I must admit, though, the Macy's parade is quite lame. The balloons are Ok, but that song and dance crap beforehand blows. Plus, can Al Roker be that hard up for cash, that he has to work on Turkey Day?
3. Easter: Yes, Easter, perhaps the most underrated holiday there is. It's not only the most important catholic holiday, it also marks the beginning of baseball season and spring, which means dames in skimpy outfits can't be that far behind.
4. Halloween: Read the above post. It also marks the end of baseball season.
5. Memorial Day: I gotta say, if I were a veteran I'd be pissed off about this one. A day in which we should be remembering those lost in war, it's pretty much become the unofficial beginning of summer, which is an excuse to go to the beach, the track, and get loaded. Sure, there a few obligatory parades thrown in, but the meaning of the day has gotten completely lost.
6. 4th of July: Ok, this could be higher, but the worst thing about the 4th is you feel you have to do something, which usually entails watching fireworks and getting caught in huge traffic jams. Also, if you go to lame party, you pretty much have to stay until after the fireworks. Luckily, I've been to a great party the last few years, so that hasn't been a problem. What pisses me off about 7/4 is the word dusk. Every place says "Fireworks begin at dusk." Just say 9:15, so everyone knows when they will start.
7. Valentine's Day: This could be higher, because - if you have a serious girlfriend/wife - you usually end up getting some, but for all the wrong reasons. As your about to get busy, you wonder why Hallmark can make your gal give it up when they say, but on a random Wednesday night in August, you can't. Anyway, I shouldn't complain.
8. New Year's Eve: VERY OVERRATED. With the amount of clowns living in this world, your best bet is to stay home with a case of beer and watch the people on ABC pretend it's New Year's Eve, when everyone knows that band portion of that show was recorded in early December in a studio in Seacaucus. If you go out, be prepared to deal with a bunch of amateurs.
9. New Year's Day: First of all, your usually hung over, and despite all the hype for college football, every game pretty much sucks. Nothing worse than getting pumped up for a game and you turn on the TV and it's Texas A&M vs. West Virginia. WHO F---ING CARES. Plus, at the end of the day, you realize the holidays are over and it's back to work.
10. Labor Day: What kind of holiday celebrates having to go to work? What a joke. Plus, it also marks the end of the summer. For parents with kids, they like it because the kids go off to school. The only good thing about Labor Day is you know Holiday's No. 1, 2 & 4 are right around the corner.
First of all, having kids, they get you pumped up for it because they are so nuts about it.
Second of all, having plenty of ice cold Pabst Blue Ribbon on hand is also a big help.
Basically, me and my neighbors take the kids around and we usually bring along a wagon (We say it's to pull the kids) that we fill with about 24 cold ones. The cup holder in the baby stroller also helps.
Anyway, there's nothing like downing a cold one while watching people you don't know give your kids free candy. It's great.
Now with the holiday season upon us, I'm gonna rank my favorite holidays, with some comments.
Here goes:
1. Christmas: Still the best. Sure, shopping is a pain in the arse, but the internet is huge help. It's also a threat you can hold over the kids' heads for a few weeks. You know "Remember, Santa's watching, so you better be good."
2. Thanksgiving: Nothing like getting drunk & Watching football without leaving the house. Also, for some reason, it's the one day the wife doesn't give you any crap for being a lazy bum. I must admit, though, the Macy's parade is quite lame. The balloons are Ok, but that song and dance crap beforehand blows. Plus, can Al Roker be that hard up for cash, that he has to work on Turkey Day?
3. Easter: Yes, Easter, perhaps the most underrated holiday there is. It's not only the most important catholic holiday, it also marks the beginning of baseball season and spring, which means dames in skimpy outfits can't be that far behind.
4. Halloween: Read the above post. It also marks the end of baseball season.
5. Memorial Day: I gotta say, if I were a veteran I'd be pissed off about this one. A day in which we should be remembering those lost in war, it's pretty much become the unofficial beginning of summer, which is an excuse to go to the beach, the track, and get loaded. Sure, there a few obligatory parades thrown in, but the meaning of the day has gotten completely lost.
6. 4th of July: Ok, this could be higher, but the worst thing about the 4th is you feel you have to do something, which usually entails watching fireworks and getting caught in huge traffic jams. Also, if you go to lame party, you pretty much have to stay until after the fireworks. Luckily, I've been to a great party the last few years, so that hasn't been a problem. What pisses me off about 7/4 is the word dusk. Every place says "Fireworks begin at dusk." Just say 9:15, so everyone knows when they will start.
7. Valentine's Day: This could be higher, because - if you have a serious girlfriend/wife - you usually end up getting some, but for all the wrong reasons. As your about to get busy, you wonder why Hallmark can make your gal give it up when they say, but on a random Wednesday night in August, you can't. Anyway, I shouldn't complain.
8. New Year's Eve: VERY OVERRATED. With the amount of clowns living in this world, your best bet is to stay home with a case of beer and watch the people on ABC pretend it's New Year's Eve, when everyone knows that band portion of that show was recorded in early December in a studio in Seacaucus. If you go out, be prepared to deal with a bunch of amateurs.
9. New Year's Day: First of all, your usually hung over, and despite all the hype for college football, every game pretty much sucks. Nothing worse than getting pumped up for a game and you turn on the TV and it's Texas A&M vs. West Virginia. WHO F---ING CARES. Plus, at the end of the day, you realize the holidays are over and it's back to work.
10. Labor Day: What kind of holiday celebrates having to go to work? What a joke. Plus, it also marks the end of the summer. For parents with kids, they like it because the kids go off to school. The only good thing about Labor Day is you know Holiday's No. 1, 2 & 4 are right around the corner.
Monday, October 24, 2005
IT'S BEEN A WHILE
Hello, all. It's been a few weeks since my last post because
A: I'm generally lazy
B: Nothing's really gotten me wound up lately
C: My computer pretty much went in the tank and I've spent the last 4 days on the phone with Dell getting things back to normal. I pretty much had to relaunch windows on my computer, which means I either had to backup all the music files on had on my computer or let them go. I chose to let them go. I mean I had way too much crap on my computer anyway, so it's sort of like starting over, which I have to say, feels pretty good.
Anyway, a few thoughts going through my head in the last few weeks.
My NFL season is going pretty much in the tank. I mean the Rams won yesterday, but their 4 best players (Bulger, Holt, Bruce, Len Little) were all out. Thank goodness for the Saints. Anyway, something got me really wound up last week during the Monday night game at Indy. They showed a shot of the banners on the RCA Dome and one said "2003 AFC Finalists." I was shocked. I mean, what kind of franchise celebrates losing in the AFC Title game. I would've loved to be at that ceremony. "Fans, lets remember to last year when we came within one win of reaching the Super Bowl only to sh-t the bed once again in a big spot."
I couldn't find any photos of the 2003 banner, but they are also celebrating their heartbreaking win to the Steelers in 1995 with this one.
Quite lame. Really.
I'll be weighing in one Halloween in a few days.
Thanks for your patience.
A: I'm generally lazy
B: Nothing's really gotten me wound up lately
C: My computer pretty much went in the tank and I've spent the last 4 days on the phone with Dell getting things back to normal. I pretty much had to relaunch windows on my computer, which means I either had to backup all the music files on had on my computer or let them go. I chose to let them go. I mean I had way too much crap on my computer anyway, so it's sort of like starting over, which I have to say, feels pretty good.
Anyway, a few thoughts going through my head in the last few weeks.
My NFL season is going pretty much in the tank. I mean the Rams won yesterday, but their 4 best players (Bulger, Holt, Bruce, Len Little) were all out. Thank goodness for the Saints. Anyway, something got me really wound up last week during the Monday night game at Indy. They showed a shot of the banners on the RCA Dome and one said "2003 AFC Finalists." I was shocked. I mean, what kind of franchise celebrates losing in the AFC Title game. I would've loved to be at that ceremony. "Fans, lets remember to last year when we came within one win of reaching the Super Bowl only to sh-t the bed once again in a big spot."
I couldn't find any photos of the 2003 banner, but they are also celebrating their heartbreaking win to the Steelers in 1995 with this one.
Quite lame. Really.
I'll be weighing in one Halloween in a few days.
Thanks for your patience.
Friday, October 07, 2005
HOLMES AND YO YO
I'm sure all you dudes out there are crushed by the latest Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise news. And I'm sure most of you women our there are wondering why all men are so crushed by this.
So here it is in a nutshell.
Katie Holmes is very cute. She's doesn't live on whore Island with Paris Hilton, her Hubestank count is very low and she hasn't dated every QB in the NFL and Arena Football League. And there, is the rub.
While most men realize they have no shot with Hilton or Tara Reid or most of your young skanks running around Hollywood, they actually believed they would have a shot with Ms. Holmes. She's nice, wholesome, a gal you could bring home to mom. In reality, no average dude would even get into the batter's box with her, but it's a nice - and somewhat - slightly realistic fantasy.
And then out of nowhere comes Mr. Cruise. Gay or not? I'm not sure. I don't care. But, for the most part, he could have any dame he wants, and L. Ron Hubbard Jr. goes and picks our Katie. It's just not right. We all believed we could have Katie at hello and he goes and gets her.
Anyway, you gals out there, if you bring up the Holmes-Cruise relationship in front of any dude, you will now understand why they are so upset.
So here it is in a nutshell.
Katie Holmes is very cute. She's doesn't live on whore Island with Paris Hilton, her Hubestank count is very low and she hasn't dated every QB in the NFL and Arena Football League. And there, is the rub.
While most men realize they have no shot with Hilton or Tara Reid or most of your young skanks running around Hollywood, they actually believed they would have a shot with Ms. Holmes. She's nice, wholesome, a gal you could bring home to mom. In reality, no average dude would even get into the batter's box with her, but it's a nice - and somewhat - slightly realistic fantasy.
And then out of nowhere comes Mr. Cruise. Gay or not? I'm not sure. I don't care. But, for the most part, he could have any dame he wants, and L. Ron Hubbard Jr. goes and picks our Katie. It's just not right. We all believed we could have Katie at hello and he goes and gets her.
Anyway, you gals out there, if you bring up the Holmes-Cruise relationship in front of any dude, you will now understand why they are so upset.
Monday, October 03, 2005
MARTZ MADNESS
Another football Sunday has come and gone and once again I was reminded that my beloved St. Louis Rams are coached by the biggest idiot in the entire NFL.
Not sure if you saw Giants-Rams yesterday, but in a nutshell, the Rams fall behind by 20 points early, cut it to ten and have a chance to cut it to 3 facing a 3rd and 2 at the Giants 6. That when Mad Mike decides to run a gadget play, which results in a fumble. The Giants then recover, march down the field on the Rams awful defense and put the game away.
Since Dick Vermeil left St. Louis, Martz has single-handedly turned what could've been an NFL dynasty into an NFL Dukes of Hazzard.
He blew the 2001 Super Bowl by letting his arrogance filter down to his players, who figured they had the game won just by showing up.
He ran an offense that left Kurt Warner open to hit after hit and once the dude was banged up, he pretty much ran him out of town.
He hired his friend, Larry Marmie, to run the defense ----- INTO THE GROUND.
He's pompous, he's a moron, he doesn't know how to manage a game. Other than that he's OK.
That being said, in this joke of a league called the NFL, the Rams will still win the NFC West at 7-9 and likely win a game or two in the playoffs.
On a side note: All of you Giant fans making plans for Eli enshrinement in Canton, please settle down. He's played three of the worst passing defenses in the league _ Card, Saints, Rams - at home. If that cat puts up 40 points in Philly, or Washington, or even Dallas this week, then I'll clam up. Until then, can we stop the comparisons the Peyton. Perhaps the only comparison you can use right now is neither one of them has won a big game in their lives.
Sincerely,
Joe
Not sure if you saw Giants-Rams yesterday, but in a nutshell, the Rams fall behind by 20 points early, cut it to ten and have a chance to cut it to 3 facing a 3rd and 2 at the Giants 6. That when Mad Mike decides to run a gadget play, which results in a fumble. The Giants then recover, march down the field on the Rams awful defense and put the game away.
Since Dick Vermeil left St. Louis, Martz has single-handedly turned what could've been an NFL dynasty into an NFL Dukes of Hazzard.
He blew the 2001 Super Bowl by letting his arrogance filter down to his players, who figured they had the game won just by showing up.
He ran an offense that left Kurt Warner open to hit after hit and once the dude was banged up, he pretty much ran him out of town.
He hired his friend, Larry Marmie, to run the defense ----- INTO THE GROUND.
He's pompous, he's a moron, he doesn't know how to manage a game. Other than that he's OK.
That being said, in this joke of a league called the NFL, the Rams will still win the NFC West at 7-9 and likely win a game or two in the playoffs.
On a side note: All of you Giant fans making plans for Eli enshrinement in Canton, please settle down. He's played three of the worst passing defenses in the league _ Card, Saints, Rams - at home. If that cat puts up 40 points in Philly, or Washington, or even Dallas this week, then I'll clam up. Until then, can we stop the comparisons the Peyton. Perhaps the only comparison you can use right now is neither one of them has won a big game in their lives.
Sincerely,
Joe
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