18 AND LIFE

With the Simpson's movie coming out at the end of the month, many 7-11s across the country have changed into Quik-E-Marts for July. I think it's funny, clever promotion, but as a huge fan of 7-11, I hope it only lasts for the month.

My love affair with 7-11 began in high school, picked up steam in college, and became practically a marriage in the 90s. How serious was it? Let's just say from about 1991 to 2002 I averaged about 2-3 Super Big Gulps A DAY. Yes, I was addicted to soda, mostly diet soda. I never drank coffee, had an occassional tea, but my fuel of choice was diet pepsi and tons of it. Someone even nicknamed me "18" (7 + 11), due to the face I always, ALWAYS, had a SBG cup in my hand.

Well, that love affair ended a few years ago when I did some research on the sweetener in diet soda, something called aspartamane. Most of the stories I read mentioned brain tumors as a result of too much aspartamane. NOt sure if it's true, but when I quit diet pepsi one day cold turkey, I had an intense migraine for about 14 hours. I couldn't even get out of bed, it hurt so bad.

Lately, I've had a few big gulps - maybe about 1-2 a week - and when the Simpsons promotion started this week, I got to thinking about my 10 favorite 7-11s on the planet. So here they are, in order.

10. SOMEWHERE IN NEBRASKA: Not sure if this one even exists, but it's the 7-11 Jim Carrey comes out of in "Dumb and Dumber." As he's walking out of the store, he says to a group of kids, "Alright guys, Big Gulps." Great line. And since I was a huge Big Gulp fan at the time, I also said someday I would get to that 7-11. Someday I will.

9. STORE #11452. EDISON, NJ: This one was crucial as it was right across the street from my softball team's home field back in the early 90s. It was a Sunday morning league in the summer and nothing beats a hangover than 96 oz. of diet pepsi.

8. STORE #32414: EDISON, NJ: This could be No. 1 on Localschill's list as it is right by his hut. It's very close to the Menlo Park Mall, but more importantly, it's right across the street from my favorite White Castle. Nothing like a sack of rats and a double gulp to get the blood and smelly gas flowing.

7. No. 23655: SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ: One hint for all you youngsters out there, unless you want your stomach to catch fire, don't chug Dr. Pepper into a stomach filled completely with beer and nothing else.

6. STORE NO: 11446: SOMERVILLE, NJ: This Somerset County headquarters of the Southland Corporation is one of about 4 reasons I survived three years at Gannet's Bridgewater franchise. When I needed a shot of energy on my way to work, I stopped there. When I needed to escape the madness, I went there. When certain miserable fucks were driving me nuts, I could send him, I mean them, there to get them out of my hair for a few minutes.

5. NO. 25398: BELMAR, NJ: Nothing like getting a big gulp while some chick in a bikini is right next to you banging down a slurpee. No morning after in Belmar was complete without a stop here. If I recall, their Big Gulp selection was also top notch.

4. STORE NO. 10977: EWING, NJ: The love affair really took flight in this little beauty within walking/stumbling disance of Trenton State College. The usual Thursday night treat would consist of a Super Big Gulp and a pack of Hostess Suzy Qs. Add to that mixture about 15 cans of Meister Brau and you got yourself a party.

3. STORE NO. 27877: ROSELLE, NJ: This is the store that spawned the 18 nickname. While coaching a high school hoops squad nearby, I would stop here everyday before and after practice. I got so bad that the dudes who worked there actually knew me by name.

2. STORE NO. 24608: SOUTH PLAINFIELD, NJ: Ah, the home base. I can't remember how many times in high school I would go here for a big gulp and a chipwich (as you can tell, I didn't get laid much then). I would say of all the big gulps I've had in life, about 70% have come from this store. I was just there today. It's not the best store of the bunch, not even close, but it's mine.

AND AT NO. 1

NO. 21087: CHICAGO, ILL.: The adress is 3554 N. SHEFFIELD AVE, the location is about 1 block from Wrigley Field. I've only been to this one about 3-4 times, but I still dream about it. How's this for a dream scenario. Roll into this one around noon, fill up a double gulp cup with soda, grab a 99 cent doggie and some chips, and roll across the street into the bleachers at Wrigley. That was about 16 years ago. I'm sure the a-holes that run the Cubs no longer let you bring Big Gulps into the park, but for that one glorious day, they did, and that's all that matters.

And there it is. Coming next week, my 10 favorite bars on the planet.

A few other things:

I took the kids to Wendys yesterday and the toy in the happy meal was a kid's audio book. What a shitty prize. Anyway, my kids wanted to listen and the story was about this dude named Arthur who has a show on PBS. Well, after this lame story ended, some other guy comes on to read the credits, and guess who the reader of the book was: None other than Mark Linn Baker (aka Cousin Larry from Perfect Strangers). Nice to see his career is still doing well.

Finally, congrats to Greg Schiano. As the picture below will prove, It appears I'm now the only person on the planet who isn't fooled by his soft schedule and bogus bowl win.