ROMO SAYS WHAT?

Life is a funny thing, especially when it comes to sports. You judge people by the teams they play on, not their personality. For example, I hate Scott Gomez and Patrik Elias, but have never met the cats. I love Pedro Martinez and Isaac Bruce and have never met them. For all I know, Elias and Gomez are great guys and Petey and the Reverend are total a-holes.

What got me thinking about this? Actually, it was Mrs. Pendleton. As I howled with joy Saturday night watching Tony Romo blow Dallas' loss to Seattle, the Mrs. said to me, "If he were on another team, would you hate him?" I said, "you know what, I have no clue. I'm sure he's a good guy, but he's on the Cowboys, and due to a mass media ready to annoint him the second coming of Roger Staubach after a few wins in November, I'm sick of the cat." One final note on that Romo botched FG. Not once did Al Michaels and John Madden mention that the cat came up about 6-inches short of a first down on that play. All they talked about was him not reaching the end zone, but remember, it was a fourth-and-half-a-yard.

But it is funny how we judge athletes - most of them anyway - by the teams they play on. I mean, I actually rooted for Larry Phillips to do well when he was on the Rams, despite the fact he made smashing his dame's noggin into a wall a daily occurence. Anyway, good for Parcells and T.O. Adios a-holes.

Let me use that to seque into the Randy Johnson saga this week. I can't see even the most die-hard Yankee fan ever rooting for that a-hole. There's nothing I hate more that miserable millionaire who has a job any straight dude would kill to have. Remember, this is a dude who, while making $16 million a year, refused to pay for bastard daughter to go to a community college. Well, unfortunately for us Yankee haters, they did the right thing and sent the a-hole back to Arizone. Fortunately for us Yankee haters, Roger Clemens will be back in the Bronx before July 4th, so we have another dick to root against.

In other stuff, word has is that Jim Tressel has a clause in his contract - which he signed after Ohio State's ref-aided national title a few years back - that if he wins another national title, his contract is null and void, making him a free agent. Word has it there's a certain shitty NFL team in Northern Ohio that may back up the Brinks truck for that cat.

Finally, tomorrow is the last day you can wish someone Happy New Year. The new deadline is Jan. 8. Once it's a week old, the New Year is no longer new.

As for New Year's Eve. How about that fucking Dick Clark? While I feel bad for the dude, you know - as my brother in Calif. pointed out - that if Dick were the producer of the show and some other oldtimer - let's say Bill Shatner - were the longtime host and was incapacitated by a stroke, old Dick would have a replacement on the set faster than you can say Depends. Also, you know none of Clark's hanger-oners don't have the balls to tell that cat he's embarrassing himself for fear of being canned on the spot. What someone should've done about 10 years ago, is video Clark counting down to every year up until 2050. This way, Clark would never have to embarrass himself, and America wouldn't be subjected to Ryan Seacrest.

Finally: Beer count: 0.