WHAT A GREAT 2008

This blogger has an amazing feature, the ability to look into the future and then blog about it. OK, anyway, instead of predicting what will happen in 2008, let's pretend this is being posted on Dec. 31, 2008 looking back at the year. You get the point.

Dec. 31, 2007 into Jan. 1, 2008 - In a bizarre start to the year, Dick Clark, without any writers to help him, forgets how to count down from 10 to 1, confusing the thousands in Times Square and Ryan Seacrest, who, without writers' help, doesn't know what year it is.

Jan. 3 - The Tonight Show with Jay Leno is cancelled after Leno, also with no writers, tries to do an entire hour-long show of dopey headlines and recycled Michael Jackson jokes. The strike is settled the next day, Leno returns, and then viewers of the Tonight Show go on strike until Leno is booted permanently.

Jan. 5 - Greg Schiano leads Rutgers to a close win in the International Bowl, but after the game he his pressed about rumors he in considering leaving RU to take the St. Louis Rams job. Schiano stays at RU, but only after the school announces plans for a $300 million, 150,000-seat stadium with a retractable roof.

Jan. 6 - Roger Clemens, trying to explain steroid accusations on 60 Minutes, lets it slip that he and Andy Pettitte were more than friends and that Yankee phenom Phil Hughes is actually their child. When asked about this, Pettitte says, "I only did it once."

Feb. 3 - There are mass suicides all over America, as football fans, faced with the dilema of seeing the Pats go 19-0 or the Cowboys winning the Super Bowl, decide to off themselves instead. It's later revealed that Jessica Simpson's halftime show is the reason for the unthinkable death toll. Those that don't take their own lives, actually do it the next day at work when some dopey co-worker starts talking about his favorite commericals from the game.

March 30 - With the season just days away, Omar Minaya finally breaks down, trading Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Beltran and Mike Pelfrey to the Tigers for Kenny Rogers. Citi Field is burned to the ground the next day.

April 1 - After Appalachian State basketball team beats Florida in the NCAA tournament title game, the dopes on ESPN and every other sports network start clamoring for a playoff system in basketball, not realizing they already have one.

June 5 - The New Jersey Devils capture the Stanley Cup, but the celebration is ruined when ESPN's Barry Melrose is stabbed on a Newark street during the victory parade. The suspect is quickly arrested as the 10 fans who actually care about the Devils are the only ones to attend the parade.

July 27 - Bruce Springsteen opens a three-night stint at Giants Stadium, but when he utters his "Is There Anybody Alive Out There," line to start the show, he's stunned by thousands and thousands of empty seats. It is later determined that many folks forgot they even had tickets to the show since they bought them in December. It's also found out later that thousands of Springsteen nerds were hanging around Gate D, hoping to see a set of tits for the first time in their lives.

Sept. 9 - During his opening game with Bound Brook High, Penn State coach Joe Paterno collapses on the sideline. Greg Schiano, in attendance, jumps out of press box and immediately starts coaching the Nittany Lions, who win on a late field goal. Construction on the new Schiano Dome is immediately halted and is quickly changed into a 400-seat gym to host Rutgers mens and women's basketball games.

Sept. 12 - The New England Patriots' season gets off to a rocky start when it's revealved Tom Brady has impregnated every woman in New England.

Sept 22 - Jamie Lynn Spears gives birth to a bouncing baby boy. The next day, Kevin Federline, Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern file for custody of the tot.

Oct. 1 - Barry Bonds' head explodes, yet he is able to survive thanks to the second head that has grown out of his back.

Oct. 9 - Rudy Guiliani's push for president get a major boost when he promises voters that if he's elected president, he will convince David Chase to explain the Soprano's ending once and for all. The millions of Americans who are still obsessed with the show say they will vote for him. He looks like a clear winner.

Oct. 10 - David Chase reveals that the entire Soprano family was wiped out in the ending of the show, causing heartbreak all over the country, and Guiliani to give up his bid to be president.

Oct. 11 - James Gandolfini shows up at a campaign rally for Barak Obama, but nobody remembers who he is anymore. Obama drops out, too.

Nov. 5 - In perhaps the most stunning election result in the history of the world, the Sandman is elected president of the United States thanks to a few write-in votes by fans of his blog. As it turns out, the rest of America, faced with the choice of voting for Hillary Clinton or not voting at all, stays home.

Nov. 11 - Joe Pendleton posts his first blog of 2008.

Nov. 25 - Almost one year to the day he debuted on WABC radio, Don Imus collapses on the air. Help doesn't arrive for nearly three days since no one was listening when this happened.

Dec. 18 - Tom Coughlin is fired after the Giants lose their 10th straight to fall to 2-10. Greg Schiano threatens Penn State he will leave unless they build at 120,000-seat stadium. He's reminded that Beaver Stadium already holds 120,000 and that he is free to leave whenever he wants.

Wow, what a year that was. We'll recap 2007 in a few days.

HISTORIC OCCASION

Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you. This is a new post. The first since Oct. 12 and believe it or not, according to the fine folks who run this site, my 100th post. And it took a trip to NYC and Mrs. Pendleton's run-in with some a-hole on the subway to get the blogging juices flowing again.

First, some notes since my last post.

-- I actually made it from Oct. 10 - Nov. 19 without having 1 beer. But then it got all shot to hell, with an open-bar shindig on the 19th, the holidays, christmas hijinks. Still, the 6-week layoff gave me hope that I can go tasteless from Jan. 2 - March 17*

*-I'm pondering a 3-day ski trip to Utah in Feb with my brother and four cousins, so that won't count. Weak yes. But let's be realistic, especially since the odds of me skiing are not great. Therefore, getting loaded in the lodge might be the only thing I can do. Actually, i do plan on skiing, but haven't done it in about 14 years.

-- This Wii thing is the greatest invention those Japanese geniuses ever came up with. I've gotten more exercise the last two nights playing video games than I have the last two months. It's pretty cool. I bowled a 216 yesterday. I feel good about myself.

-- The 42nd birthday is coming up Sunday. Holy shit am I old.

-- Not much planned for New Year's just yet. Maybe some neighborhood tastes. However, I know exactly where I'll be at 1 p.m. on New Year's Day - on the couch, with a taste, watching the Sabres and Pens drop the puck at Ralph Wilson Stadium. Speaking of the NHL, I went to the NHL store in NYC today, and let me tell you, they have to be kidding me. They had a t-shirt with a Winnipeg Jet logo on it. I was fired up to purchase it, until I saw the price tag of $44 dollars. For a fucking t-shirt. Good move by the folks at the NHL - let's overcharge the miniscule fan base to make a few extra bucks. Screw you.

By the way, speaking 2008, the big 2007 lookback and 2008 lookahead are coming in a few days.

Now, the Mrs. Pendleton story. We - along with every other person on the East Coast, decided to take the kids to the Museum of Natural History in the city today (FU Ben Stiller). Our daughter, Georgia, is a huge dinosaur fan, so she was in heaven.

Anyway, we leave the museum, head to 30 Rock to see the tree, and then head for E train back to Penn Station for a NE Corridor train.

We enter the E subway stop at 5th and 53rd, and it features a huge, huge escalator down to the platform. It also features a stair case between the up and down escalator. Anway, it's about 5:30, and the place is packed, so we load the kids on the down escalator. About 15 seconds in, some women comes walking down the escalator, and pretty much brushes by me on the right hand side, prompting Mrs. Pendleton to say, "you know, there's a staircase if you want to walk." The dame keeps going, and some other dude then brushes by us, goes a few more steps and turns and says to Mrs. P. "The way it works is, the right side is for the walkers and the left is for the escalator riders." Mrs. P responds by saying, well, "If you want to walk, use the stairs," and this guy, being a polite asshole, says, "I'm just telling you how it works, because obviously you don't know subway protocol." The which Mrs. P. responds, "Dude, it's the holiday season, it's crowed on the escaltor, use the stairs." The guy, who was about 25 and could have easiliy used the stairs, turns proceeds to walk down the rest of the way. Of course, he got the bottom about 10 seconds before us, where we all proceeded to wait another 10 minutes for the train.

I really felt like going up to the dude and doing one of the following:
A. Punch him in the nose to show Mrs. P I have her back.
B: Point out to him that the subway isn't the only place in the world with escalators, we know the right side walking schtick - hell, I practically invented it. But if there's a staircase right next to it, protocol is out the fucking window.
C: Thank him for directing some of Mrs. P's ire toward him - and away from me - for a few fleeting moments.

Of course, enjoying the whole confrontation, I did nothing but tell Mrs. P how right she was with the hopes of parlaying that into some post museum action. Results still pending.

Well, that's it. Happy 100th post. Happy New Year. Happy International Bowl.